Penn in “Alternative Medicine”

[Opening lines. Teller is said to have a number of symptoms]

Teller's been feeling a little down lately. He's had bouts of low energy, low endorphins, delusions, hallucinations, depression, a touch of carpal tunnel syndrome, Lyme's disease, cataracts, glaucoma, sciatica, a few retinal disorders, cancer, acid indigestion, autism brain damage, macular degeneration, eczema, and most heartbreaking of all: bed-wetting. We're gonna see if we can cure him without the bother of going to a doctor. Let's try some bullshit!