Murder, She Wrote quotes

Dr. Seth Hazlitt: Perhaps you could take some time off, have a bit of lunch.

Sheriff Amos Tupper: If I could take time off, I'd go to the bathroom.

Kenny Oakes: [to Harold Banner, after Jessica exposes him as the murderer] Oh, don't give me that pious look, Harold. You oughta thank me. Everybody oughta thank me. Elmo was always doped up all the time. He didn't know if he was comin' or goin'. And he was destroying the business. Somebody had to save it.

Madeline DeHaven: [after Jessica exposes her as the murderer] That nickel-and-dime hustler was climbin' over me to make a name for himself. And all the while he was tellin' me ... Nobody uses Madeline DeHaven the way he did. Finding that gun in the bedroom was like an omen, a portent, Mrs. Fletcher. I didn't even hear it go off.

Dr. Seth Hazlitt: Seemed like about a million years ago. You and me and Molly.

Richard Hazlitt: We wanted to tell you, Seth. We just didn't know how.

Dr. Seth Hazlitt: So, figurin' actions speak louder than words, you eloped.

Richard Hazlitt: We hated running off like that. But when we got back, you'd already left for Portland. I guess I could have tried harder to reach you. But with my business taking off and the kids coming along and Molly gettin' sick like that and goin' so fast, I just never found the words to say I'm sorry.

Dr. Seth Hazlitt: You're sorry? Richard, I'm the one that should apologize. If I hadn't been too blind to see how Molly felt, the two of you wouldn't have had to run away in the first place. By the time I did realize it, I suppose I did a little running on my own. Even after I'd married Ruth, I still couldn't bring myself to make the first move. And now Ruth's gone too. And here we sit. Two of the biggest fools that ever drew breath.

Richard Hazlitt: What do you say we stop wasting it? [raises a glass] To us.

Dr. Seth Hazlitt: [raises his glass] You said it, Brother.

Alice Davies Hazlitt: [after Jessica exposes the murderer] You nearly killed me.

Bert Davies: No, no. No, love. Don't you see? I had it planned, down to the second. I had the key in me pocket. If Mark hadn't have found his, I would have blown it there and then. I would have opened the door and got you out. I swear it. Well, it was his fault. I saw the kind of man Richard was. Cold, possessive. King of the bloody world. And now he owned you. And he could show you off to make people think more of him. What kind of a life could you have with a man like that? But without him, you'd inherit. We could have been so happy, you and me. We was going first-class. Never needin' a by-your-leave from anybody. Would have been grand. Well, you do see? You do see, don't you, love? I was thinking of you.

Crystal Wendle: [after Jessica exposes her as the murderer] Jonathan had made unseemly advances on more than one occasion. I didn't mind killing him at all. But Uncle Eugene, I want you to know that it took all the courage I could muster.

Eugene McClenden: Crystal, why?

Crystal Wendle: Well, for the money, of course.

Eugene McClenden: But I've always treated Todd and you with great generosity.

Crystal Wendle: Oh, yes, you lorded your generosity over my husband. He has choked on your kindness, Uncle Eugene. You made him son and heir, then kept him dangling on a paltry little allowance. And I don't think we should have to wait forever for what is rightfully ours. We have a position in society to maintain.

Father Patrick Francis: Jessica, I want you to find out what's going on in that safe house, and I want you to share it with me.

Jessica Fletcher: In other words, you want me to spy on others so that you can fill their files? My answer to that is, no, thank you.

Salvatore Gambini: [after Jessica accuses him of committing the murder] Jessica, what you've been hearing about my health, it's all true. Only worse. I drink the wine for the pain, but it don't do any good. I only got a few months left. That's all.

Jessica Fletcher: Salvatore, I'm sorry.

Salvatore Gambini: Now, what are you sorry? That I'm dying? So what? That's not important. I got a family here that's not a family. You see them. Only worrying about themselves. They're not thinking about my winery, about the legacy I want to leave them. And then I figure out what can I do to bring this family together? To make them care? Then it comes to me. [He removes an envelope from his pocket] It's all here. In this letter. Who that guy was, who he was working for, and why they killed me. I figured maybe this would make the family so angry, they'd pull together to fight against this bunch of thieves trying to steal my company.

Jessica Fletcher: Oh, dear Lord.

Salvatore Gambini: It's all in the will. The winery goes to the whole family in equal shares. Nobody can sell until they all agree. All of them. But when Tony almost got killed because of me, I figured I'd better kill this guy before somebody else got hurt. So I bring him down here after the party. I offer him a very special glass of wine. The first wine I ever bottled. That bum's palate was so dull he didn't taste nothin'. Not the wine, not the poison. I should've gave him junk. It was a waste of good wine.

Jessica Fletcher: But murder?

Salvatore Gambini: Of what? I killed a wild dog? I'll take my chances with God. Jessica, you're a good friend. You'll see my family gets that letter.

Jessica Fletcher: How does it look?

Eve Simpson: Ah, where to start? The building is ancient and dilapidated, the plumbing needs to be ripped out and replaced, the wiring is a joke, the roof is shot, the building has dry rot and will never pass a termite inspection, the septic tank is inadequate, the trees are dying, the fence is falling down, the backyard is a dump.

Jessica Fletcher: Mr. Andrews is in the den, getting the feel of 1780.

Sheriff Amos Tupper: Doesn't he know his side lost the war?

Jessica Fletcher: Isn't it true that the only thing you can predict about the theater is that it is unpredictable?

Eliot Easterbrook: Bravo, Mrs. Fletcher. You must have stayed up all night thinking that one up.

Jessica Fletcher: No, actually. Molière did it for me about two hundred years ago.

Barney Mapost: [after Easterbrook arrives late] Finally I get it! He likes being late!

Shayna Grant: He's only comfortable in the dark. Like all creatures who prey off the living.