Five/Nine, yes. Well, not all the minutiae, of course. But since the cyber bombings, the breadcrumbs haven't been that difficult to follow. World catastrophes like this, they aren't caused by lone wolves like you. They occur because men like me allow them. You just happened to stumble into one of them.
I wish that were true! The sick part is... I actually missed you. The only reason we haven't been talking is because I haven't let myself. Because I've been scared of you. The part of me that is you.
You are a terrible person. Don't ever convince yourself of anything else. All you deserve for the rest of your life is pure and utter agony. That'll begin to scratch the surface of how I feel about you. You've taken everything from me. My whole life...is ruined...because of you. Live with that. Die with that.
Trust me, I remember. You took your baseball bat and you smashed the window, and then you kept telling dad you were going to jump. Elliot you weren't pushed, you jumped.
We're close, Elliot. You pull the ripcord now and everything will be for nothing. There was a huge cost to get to this point. I still believe if we hold out a little longer-
Me. I'm doing this for me. I can't live with what I did anymore. And you're wrong. They won't win. Because one good thing came out of all of this. They showed themselves. The top one percent of the one percent. The ones in control. The ones who play god without permission. And now I'm gonna take them down. All of them.
I know we don't usually do this, but I have to fill you in if he won't. That's why you're back, isn't it? To help? You gotta be noticing it, then, too. That he isn't talking to you. He doesn't talk to me that much, either, not since Angela died. Darlene's right. He's shutting down, compartmentalizing the pain, living in the distraction, just like the holidays: the plastic trees, the annoying Christmas carols.
[Cut to a group of carolers singing "O Come, All Ye Faithful]
One big song-and-dance production to sell ourselves the theater that everything's jolly, at least for a moment. But when it's all over, Santa's gone back to his shitty day job. The trees get disassembled and thrown in a closet. The music's faded away. What then? That's why you can't go anywhere. I know he's keeping you away, but I'll let you in. Don't think I'm doing it for you, though. Let's be clear. I still don't give a shit about you, but he does. This does not feel right to me. E Corp owns the building. They own half of Manhattan. We stick to the plan. And right now, Elliot needs you more than he lets on, because when that cold, brutal reality closes in on us, we're gonna need a friend, and that's still what you are, right?
You tell that piece of shit that my anger won't die with me! And she can't hide from what's coming for her! You hear me?! You hear me?! DO YOU HEAR ME?! Say something...!
I just got it. Why you wear that hoodie. I've never seen you in anything else. Black hoodie, black jeans, black shoes, always the same. I've been wondering this whole time, but now I finally get it. You don't care. Sure, why not? Silk tie, $6,000 suit. I mean, it sounds pathetic to say aloud, but I actually care. And you know what? That's why I'm a failure. My entire life, I've been an outsider, worried what other people think of me, how I can make them happy, because I needed their approval and their acceptance. But you never cared. The first day we met, there we were, Allsafe's most important clients roaming through the office, and you couldn't care less.
I have lost absolutely everyone, my boyfriend, my best friend, my parents. The only one I have left is my brother, who is an asshole that treats me like absolute shit. But I'm really worried about him right now, and it pisses me off that I'm worried, because I am always worried about him, and he flat-out told me to fuck off. So why do I bother? I don't know. I don't know, I'm afraid this time it's different. I'm afraid he might be dead.
Seems like we're always thinking of ourselves when looking for something that's lost, but we never think much about the lost, whatever, whoever is unable to be found, whether it's a set of keys left somewhere and forgotten, a couple of guys wandering aimlessly in the woods, or someone who's disappeared inside himself. What if that's what they wanted all along? Not to be found.
