[narrating] Samar is right. HR is firing someone. Me. Fuck, I can't leave the building until I get back on a machine and figure out how they're planning on getting around my patch. [aloud] Samar, I need you to distract them for me.
Wait, what?
[narrating, as he flees] Help me figure this out. Do not leave me. Stay focused.
Samar [to HR director]: Excuse me, I had a question for you.
We're looking for Elliot Alderson. Do you know where he is?
Oh, yeah, yeah, he's on floor eleven. You know, they have the best bathrooms, and he likes to take his morning dump around this time.
Samar, you need to be serious right now. We have talked about these micro-aggressions of yours.
I am being serious. He told me he was crowning his whole commute.
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