Hegelian Bruce, Boss Bruce and others in “Bruce sketch”

Ah, here comes the boss fella now!

[enters with Michael, an Englishman] Ah! G'day, Bruce, hello, Bruce, how are you, Bruce? Gentlemen, I'd like to introduce a chap from Pommyland who'll be joining us this year here in the Philosophy Department of the University of Woolloomooloo.

G'day!

Michael Baldwin, this is Bruce; Michael Baldwin, this is Bruce; Michael Baldwin, this is Bruce.

Is your name not Bruce, then?

No, it's Michael.

That's going to cause a little confusion.

Mind if we call you "Bruce" to keep it clear?

Well, gentlemen, I think we'd better start the meeting. Before we start, though, I'll ask the padre for a prayer.

[puts on a priest's collar as others bow their heads] Oh Lord, we beseech thee, have mercy on our faculty, Amen.

Amen! Crack the tubes! Right. [Neopositivist Bruce opens beer cans] Er, Bruce, I now call upon you to welcome Mr. Baldwin to the Philosophy Department.

I'd like to welcome the pommy bastard to God's own earth, and I'd like to remind him that we don't like stuck-up sticky-beaks here.

Hear, hear! Well spoken, Bruce!

Now, Bruce teaches classical philosophy, Bruce teaches Hegelian philosophy, and Bruce here teaches logical positivism, and is also in charge of the sheep dip.

What does new Bruce teach?

New Bruce will be teaching political science - Machiavelli, Bentham, Locke, Hobbes, Sutcliffe, Bradman, Lindwall, Miller, Hassett, and Benaud.

Those are cricketers, Bruce.

Oh, spit.

Howls! Howls of derisive laughter, Bruce!

Ha-ha! In addition, as he's going to be teaching politics, I've told him he's welcome to teach any of the great socialist thinkers, provided he makes it clear that they were wrong.

[stand up suddenly] Australia! Australia! Australia! Australia! We love you! Amen!