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S2

Monty Python's Flying Circus · Season 2

Mr. Wiggin, Client 1 and others in “Architects sketch”

WMr. Wiggin

This is a 12-story block combining classical neo-Georgian features with the efficiency of modern techniques. The tenants arrive here and are carried along the corridor on a conveyor belt in extreme comfort, past murals depicting Mediterranean scenes, towards the rotating knives. The last twenty feet of the corridor are heavily soundproofed. The blood pours down these chutes and the mangled flesh slurps into these...

C1Client 1

Excuse me.

WMr. Wiggin

Yes?

C1Client 1

Did you say 'knives'?

WMr. Wiggin

Rotating knives, yes.

C2Client 2

Do I take it that you are proposing to slaughter our tenants?

WMr. Wiggin

...Does that not fit in with your plans?

C1Client 1

Not really. We asked for a simple block of flats.

WMr Wiggin

Oh. I hadn't fully divined your attitude towards the tenants. You see I mainly design slaughter houses.

C1Client 1

Ah.

WMr Wiggin

Pity.

C2Client 2

Yes.

WMr Wiggin

Mind you, this is a real beaut. None of your blood caked on the walls and flesh flying out of the windows incommoding the passers-by with this one. My life has been leading up to this.

C2Client 2

Yes, and well done, but we wanted an apartment block.

WMr Wiggin

May I ask you to reconsider? You wouldn't regret this - think of the tourist trade.

C1Client 1

I'm sorry. We want a block of flats, not an abattoir.

WMr Wiggin

I see. Well, of course, this is just the sort blinkered philistine pig-ignorance I've come to expect from you non-creative garbage. [getting angry] You sit there on your loathsome spotty behinds squeezing blackheads, not caring a tinker's cuss for the struggling artist. [now shouting] You excrement! You whining hypocritical toadies with your colour TV sets and your Tony Jacklin golf clubs and your bleeding Masonic secret handshakes! You wouldn't let me join, would you, you blackballing bastards! Well I wouldn't become a Freemason now if you went down on your lousy, stinking knees and begged me!

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