“The Poet McTeagle” quotes from Monty Python's Flying Circus

From these glens and scars, the sound of the coot and the moorhen is seldom absent. Nature sits in stern mastery over these rocks and crags. The rush of the mountain stream, the bleat of the sheep, and the broad, clear Highland skies, reflected in turn and loch, form the breathtaking backdrop against which Ewan McTeagle writes such poems as "Lend us a quid till the end of the week".

Since then, McTeagle has developed and widened his literary scope. Three years ago he concerned himself with quite small sums: quick bits of ready cash, sixpences, shillings. But more recently he has turned his extraordinary literary perception to much larger sums: fifteen shillings, four pounds twelve and six, even nine guineas. But there is still nothing to match the huge sweep, the majestic power, of what is surely his greatest work: "Can I have fifty pounds to mend the shed'.

I'm afraid our regular psychiatrist hasn't come round this morning, and I've got an ego block, which is turn making my wife over-assertive and getting us both into a state of depressive neurosis.

I see, sir. Who's your regular?

Jersey Cream Psychiatrists.

Oh, yes, I know them. Right, well, what's your job, then?

I'm a doctor.

Didn't I see you just now under a Scotsman?

Yes, but I am a doctor. Actually, I'm a gynecologist, but that was my lunch hour.

[holding up an ink blot] What does this remind you of?

Two pints of cream?

Right. I should definitely say you're suffering from a severe personality disorder, sir, sublimating itself in a lactic obsession that could get worse, depending on how much money you've got.

Yes, I see. And a pot of yoghurt, please.