“The Secret of Parker House” quotes from MacGyver

MacGyver! Oh that does it! I just want to pack up my things right now and I want to go home.

Penny, whatever is going on around here, it's got nothing to do with ghosts or goblins or the supernatural. There is a purely logical explanation for everything.

Really? Well that would sound a lot more reassuring if you weren't holding a human skull.

You never know where life's gonna take you. This is especially true when you've got a friend like Penny Parker. So, I wasn't too surprised when she called one day and told me she had inherited a mansion.

[in a voice-over narration as he's shown driving along rural highways and half-listening to Penny Parker's joyful excited long-winded chatter about how she'd inherited the old Parker House] There was a long story behind the way Penny came into her inheritance, and she was in no hurry to shorten it. In high-school geometry class, I'd learned that the shortest distance between two points is a straight line, but when telling a story, Penny always takes the scenic route.

Anyway, he told me how Aunt Betty's estate goes to the nearest female relative on her 25th birthday. And today is my 25th birthday, and I'm the closest female relative, and before I know it, I'm an heiress! Isn't that wild?