Max Weinberg: Hey, sometimes condoms break! Deal with it, Missy!
“The More You Know Parodies”
Max Weinberg: Having trouble in school? All those classes making your head spin? Well maybe you're just not very smart. Why not drop out and try interstate trucking? Because right now you're just embarrassing yourself.
Conan O'Brien: Just cos all your friends are having sex doesn't mean you have to. Despite what everyone says, it's OK not to do it. In fact, I didn't have sex until I was 32 years old. Can we not do this one?
Conan O'Brien: The next time you get your kids in the car turn off the radio and tune into them. I think you just might find that your kids are boring as hell. They've got nothing to say, I mean they're kids! Then turn that radio back on, pump up the volume and know that you're not missing a damn thing!
Conan O'Brien: You catch your child swearing. Do you wash his mouth out with soap? Or do you sit him down and explain that he'd better not fucking do it again? I think you know what to do.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Late Night with Conan O'Brien pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.