I wish I had had you in high school.
High school me would have eaten high school you alive.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
[voiceover] For most kids, the scariest thing you can hear is, "Wait till your father gets home." For some, there's no fear of that or hope for it. I'm still waiting. Not like a puppy, head tilting at footballs on the porch or a key in the lock, I go about my days, every so often, aware of his absence. And telling myself that the heart, old adage aside, does not grow fonder. Except it does. It really, really does.
[voiceover] Friendship, it's been said, is God's way of apologizing for your family. I don't really subscribe to the God part, but if I did apologizing for family seems like the least he could do.
What's that?
That would be a painting.
Oh, God, no. You're not going to try to drag me to another art show, are you? Last time I got cornered by some freak wearing a kilt with a tattoo inside his bottom lip that said "yeah." He showed it to me twice while I was eating!
[smiles] No. This is about my witness, Patrick Hill. It might be nothing. How's Mia?
Level-headed, funny, smart, no trouble whatsoever. She's just— [sighs] I'm sorry I couldn't tell you.
Your talent for keeping a confidence is one of your most admirable qualities. Along with the ability to shoot accurately while downing a Big Gulp. Could I help you find something?
Yeah. There was this witness a while back, a case where the guy was shot and died and they videoed his testimony.
U.S. versus Carlton Marchai, first degree felony kidnapping. I'm sending you the link.
Oh, praise Jesus you have no life!
[Marshall has just learned Patrick brought his boyfriend into WitSec without telling anyone]
PPatrick
I'm sorry! I shouldn't have misled you. I should have told you about us. But I... I just couldn't. My family, they'd never understand.
Patrick, I don't mean to be glib, but if ever there was an opportunity to let go of what your family thinks, it's in Witness Protection, where you will never see them again!
BBob
[to Marshall] You see? This is what I'm dealing with!
You leaving early?
I thought I'd go check on Mia, see if she feels like hanging out tonight.
Ah.
What? What's that mean?
It implies understanding.
No, it implies you think you know something; something even I don't know. "Ah" is Marshall speak for arrogant.
You like her.
I don't hate her.
Which for you is tantamount to eternal fealty. Would you go so far as to say under different circumstances you might be, dare I say, friends?
What's your point?
No matter what you do or feel for her, she's not going to be here long and that you can't change.
Yeah, well, what I can do is make it better. Thanks, sunshine.
I know that you can make it better, just don't make it worse for yourself.
I love when you talk to me in greeting card.
I'm serious, Mary. That's why you're so lucky to have me.
Where I'm smart, you're an idiot.
Symbiosis personified.
[voiceover] I can count the witnesses I've admired on a hand and a half. The ones I liked, fewer still. When it comes to those I was truly friends with I can't put a number on it. I don't need to. It's just Mia. Someone who wouldn't be around very long. I know somewhere a therapist's couch beckons. Mia lived forty-two years. All she wanted in the end was to have made a difference in one life. She did. She absolutely did. I know what she'd say if she heard all this: "Oh, shut up." Her version of rest in peace.
Scott invited me to come to his Gamblers Anonymous meeting. You want to come with?
No, I'm running late, and shoot me first.
Holy mother, what is that smell?!
Homemade empanadas.
What kind?
[protects the plate] Mine, that's what kind.
Why do you get the witnesses that cook you food, and I get the ones who can multiply very large numbers in their head?
It is commonly referred to as karma.
[grabs an empanada from the plate] Tu empanadas es mi empanadas.
Actually, it would be "tus empanadas son mis empanadas".
So, in high school, who didn't hate you?
Actually, I was both well-liked and widely admired.
[voiceover] Trusting anything, your family, your instincts, the dim-witted anchor on the ten o'clock news, its all a gamble, with plenty of promises and no guarantees, but I'm finding the longer I live, no matter how often I fall on my face, that folding is for losers. That winners take hits. Call it going all in, call it rolling the dice. Screw hedging your bets, bluff, raise, call, stand, again and again and again...
[voiceover] I once dated a guy who loved the independence of living on his own; chugging from the carton in the middle of the night. He said the isolation was a trade-off he could live with. I thought I'd hit the mother lode. Then he told me he was going to clown camp.
The paperwork has your IQ at 142. That's a notch above that of the average itinerant. What's your story?
WWalter
I read a biography of Paul Erdős when I was ten. It hooked me. [to Mary] Erdős was a homeless Hungarian mathemetician.
Who never settled down. Just roamed the world...
Terrific. Dueling Marshall's.
Helping people with their math problems. He did a lot of work in set theory.
Hey, look! A dime!
So, long lost mom is a Sherry Greer from Modesto, California.
With her social it won't take long to track down where she is.
Oh, goody.
It's possible a positive reunion with Walter's birth mother could heal his primal wound.
Don't say primal wound.
That's what it's called.
Seriously, I'll give you a hundred dollars if you'll stop.
That's what they call many adoptees suffer when taken from their mothers at birth.
So, what? He's homeless because he's adopted?
Maybe unable to bond properly with his adopted family, yes.
No. I'm a firm believer in ignorant bliss, especially when it comes to family members taking off.
Ah, a parallel. How could I have missed it?
All right, okay. Just don't be surprised when Walter's mom turns out to be something less than Carol Brady.
Found her! Sherry's gone back to good, old Modesto. Hmm.
Hmm, what?
She's on husband number four.
Happy now? Carol Brady's a slut!
I'll bet I know what you're thinking. Do you want me to tell you?
Do I ever?
Your father's out there somewhere. You know more than you ever have. We can at least try.
I don't want to try.
Sorry, those words coming out of your mouth are disorienting. You don't want answers?
There's no happy ending to that story, John Boy. Not even the one in my head.
Holy Mary! Have you tried this potato salad? It's the mustard kind!
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