Blaine: Say, are you dressed like Luke Skywalker and Han Solo?
Finn: No. That's copyright infringement! Any resemblance to Star Wars characters is purely coincidental!

Blaine: Warblers. Warblers. I'm merely suggesting that instead of wearing blue ties with red piping, we wear jackets with red ties and blue piping for the competition!

Blaine: What is your problem with me anyway? Ever since I got here you've given me nothing but crap.
Finn: Honestly dude, I was kinda jealous. I felt threatened. Your talent kinda freaked me out, made me question whether or not I'm good enough.

Blaine: [drunk] I just want to live here and-and make art and help people.
Kurt: You're helping people make fires with your breath!

Brenda: Years ago, when I auditioned to play Miss Adelaide in "Guys and Dolls," I was asked to take my top off. Evidently, that is not customary, and that's when I started huffing glue.

Brittany: (after Rachel demands her money back) My uncle lost his job and his goat was going hungry, so I spent it on food for the goat. I mean, sort of. The goat just ate the money.

Brittany: (hanging stockings by the piano)

Brittany: (wheeling Artie to her living room) (voiceover) We went home and it was sitting under my Christmas tree.
(Flashback ends)

Brittany: [about Puck in juvie] He may be the dumbest person on Earth and that's coming from me.

Brittany: [looking at the audience] You guys, I'm really nervous. Ke$ha has been a culture icon for weeks and I really wanna do her music justice.
Sam: We haven't had enough rehearsal.
Mercedes: Or any at all.
Finn: And most of our assembly performances usually end in some kind of riot.
Rachel: Never fear, teammates. [hands plastic cups to everyone] Now it's a Broadway tradition for nervous performers to take a shot of whiskey before going on to calm their nerves and to mask the stench of bad dental hygiene. [pours her drink in each cup] In that tradition, I have mixed us a playful showbiz cocktail of what was left in my dad's liquor cabinet. There's some Brandy and Vermouth, Portwine, and Scotch in here and also some Kool-aid and some crumbled up Oreos.
Santana: Oh my God, this tastes like cough syrup.
Rachel: There's also cough syrup in here.
[Everyone clanks their cups together.]

Brittany: [seeing Puck without his mohawk for the first time] Who is that guy?

Brittany: [throws up on Rachel]
[The audience stares in shock and silence.]
Brittany: Oh my God.
Rachel: [disgusted and leaves the stage]
Santana: [throws up also and coughs]
Brittany: Everybody drink responsibly.

Brittany: [to Artie] For a while, I thought you were a robot.

Brittany: [to Kurt] So you're pretty much the only guy in this school that I haven't made out with yet, because I thought you were capitol G Gay, but now that you're not, having a perfect record would mean a lot to me. So, let me know if you want to tap this.

Brittany: [to Lord Tubington] Just because we're doing this interview together doesn't I'm not still mad at you. I know you started smoking again.