Tom Farrell quotes from Gimme Gimme Gimme

Tom

And what did you shout at the lovely Elaine Paige when we went to see 'CATS'? 'Show me your pussy I'll show you mine'!

Tom

And at the interval of Jesus Christ Superstar you ran round telling the children "He dies in the end!"

Tom

We're here. Lindy's queer. Get used to it.

Tom

I like the men in my life to be strong, to stand up for what they believe in, not to be so far back in the closet they're in FUCKING NARNIA!!

Tom

We're rich! We're rich! We're... (Looks at Linda) Oh shit! You're rich!

Tom

(Regarding Linda's new appearance) You know, you do look like a tranny, actually. A really bad tranny. You know, one of those dreary gay clubs in Driffield. It's a Monday night, Human League's playing on the jukebox, couple of rent-boys in the corner, then you.... Brian! Stood there in your wife's clothes, rolling your own.

Linda

It's very difficult researching a role isn't it?

Tom

How would you know? The only time you were on tele is when you walked past the window on 'Richard & Judy'... You're such a sad bitch.

Linda

I've been on stage, i was the virgin Mary in the young offenders nativity play.

Tom

You played our virgin mother you blasphemous bint?

Linda

I was a virgin, till the dress rehearsal anyway

Tom

...End of story!

Linda

SOME STORY! It's more confusing than Hansel & Gretel.

Tom

(yelling) Hansel and Gretel's not confusing!

Linda

Well when did you last stay in a house that you could eat? It twists children's minds that does!

Linda

Nahh, Tamika blew me out.

Tom

What, over the phone? She must have a very long tongue...

Linda

They must have got a puppy for Christmas coz I could hear her fella in the background shouting 'I'm not having that dog back in my house' and then she said 'party's off'!

Tom

Actors don't do that, they mill around with perfect posture, and utter inspirational nuggets like "D'you know, this is only job where you actually get paid for doing something you love!"

Linda

Well, that's bollocks. What about prostitutes?

Linda

Are you ready?

Tom

No.

Linda

Oh, you slipped it in when I weren't looking.

Tom

(singing) Here in the land of golden showers, meet the mighty people with psychic powers...

Don't talk to me about golden showers!!

Tom

I can't believe you, making up a life threatening disease to try to get me to stay.

Linda

Worked for Angie Watts.

Tom

Den & Angie were married!

Linda

Well so are we, we live together, we row all the time, we don't have sex, what's the difference?