Colonel Tom Parker quotes from Elvis (TV miniseries)

Let's face it, Elvis. The movies ain't doing what they used to and the records they're not doing much better.

It's all this material you keep shovin' down my throat, Colonel. Hell, you can't polish a turd.

What now?

[short pause] What's this?

Oh, that's a demo for the finale. Where'd you get it?

It's not a Christmas song, is it? It's one of them long-haired hippie, Communist American hatin' protest songs.

Actually, it's more like a gospel style. It's a new direction, Colonel. I like it, and uh, I'm doing it.

What's going on here, Elvis?

Oh, just a few other new directions, Colonel. I'm gonna tour again. Europe this time. And I don't care that you got some birth certificate problem or uh... you're an illegal alien, some folks say. And after Europe, I don't know. Japan. Who knows.

Why are you being like this?

Cos I don't wanna be bored anymore, Colonel! I don't wanna sing another song that I don't believe in! I don't wanna make another movie that I don't care about! This TV thing has me excited for the first time in years. I'm having fun with my music and I don't wanna lose that feeling.

A feeling? I'm not sending you out on some cockamamie tour just because of some feeling.

Then I'll find somebody who will.

Son, let me explain some things to you. We have a contract...

You always told me your contract can be re-negotiated, broken if need be. Well, maybe it's about time we tour up this contract.

That's what you want? After all my years of dedication to you and your career? All my work?! You ungrateful hillbilly! I knew you'd betray me!

Watch your mouth, you old phony!

Get out of my office!

You get out of my office! I payed for this office! You're fired!

You can't fire me. I quit!

I'm holding a press conference this afternoon to tell 'em your fired, you old carny!

Go ahead! But if you wanna end our business relationship, your going to have to pay up what you owe me.

Fine. Write me a bill.

I was expecting something like this, so I uh, I prepared some documents. [takes out a file case from under his desk] There's money I've advanced you. Then there's uh, bookings that I haven't taken my full commission from! Then there's expenses, future monies to deal with, movie profits... I get a percentage of the residuals on them too, and the records! Then there's uh, there's other items of mutual interest! So you wanna be free of me, [hands out a contract form] you're going to have to pay for the privilege.

I was thinking about our conversation yesterday and if you want to tour. Well, I'll set it up. We'll tour.

What about the movies?

Well, that's gonna be a harder nut to crack. We're obligated to three more films, and the next one is already set up. Something called The Trouble with Girls and How to Get Out of It.

Sounds like a winner. What about this? [holds out the Refute of Contract form]

Oh, that. [takes the form] Trifle.

So where we gonna tour?

Las Vegas. I got us a hell of a deal.