Cops Season 1 quotes

[narrator] Warning: This program contains scenes of a graphic nature, with adult language and nudity. This includes footage of a mature subject matter, and is intended for an adult audience.

Hello, I'm John Langley, executive producer of COPS. Welcome to my office. In this video, we're gonna do something a little different. Along with the real, and the raw, and the outrageous, we're gonna show you never-before-seen outtakes. In other words, the uncensored version of COPS.

[narrator] This special edition video is based on outtakes from COPS. All suspects are still innocent until proven guilty in a court of law.

[after being captured by policemen] Nobody, sir. No, sir. They tried to break in for several hours and I don't have a phone, and there was like four of them. I think three of them dressed in ninja turtles, in black.

Relax, man. Relax. Relax, relax. Relax.

I just defended myself.

[after being tasered, to no effect] I'll get you, bitch!

[after being restrained by policemen] I don't appreciate you roughing me up like that, man. For no motherfucking reason, man.

You've got a freaking gun on you.

Yeah, man. You're lucky I didn't shoot your bitch-ass with it.

[bemused] Really? Really?

Yeah, man. Yeah, straight up.

Just a couple of scrapes and bumps, but everything heals.

[objecting to his brother being arrested for possessing drugs] It's not right, dog.

I didn't say it was right, dude. It's what it is.

[to his irate brother] Martin, shut up! Shut up, bro! Shut the fuck up, Martin!

[being investigated for trying to hire a prostitute] I'm a nice guy; I work with special-needs individuals.

They're going to hurt; they're handcuffs.

[lying to policemen as they try to capture him] I'm Isiah, bro! I'm Isiah, bro! I'm Isiah, bro!

[lying to policemen as they try to capture him] I'm Isiah, man! Stop, bro! I'm Isiah, man! I'm Isiah, bro!

[to the driver of an automobile that crashed into his house] Hey sucker, you're fucking lucky you didn't hurt one of my family members.

I didn't.

[pointing index finger at man] You know what?

I ran that stop sign.

I don't give a fuck what you're saying. But, if that would've happened?

I know, I know.

I'd hunt you down until the day I'd fucking got you.