Blackadder, Mrs. Miggins and others in “Unfinished Business”

Mrs. Miggins, I'm looking for a couple of actors.

Mrs. Miggins

Well, you've come to the right place, Mr. B. There's more Shakespearean dialogue in here then there are buns. All my lovely actors pop in here on their way to rehearsals for a little cup of coffee and a big dollop of inspiration.

You mean they actually rehearse? I thought they just got drunk, stuck on a silly hat and trusted to luck.

Mrs. Miggins

Ooh, no! There's ever so much work that goes into the wonderful magic that is theatre today. Still, I wouldn't expect you to understand, being only a butler.

They do say, Mrs. M, that verbal insults hurt more than physical pain. They are, of course, wrong, as you will soon discover when I stick this toasting fork in your head.

Ladies and gentlemen, would you please welcome Mr. David Keanrick!

Mrs. Miggins

Oh, hurrah!

And the fabulous Enoch Mossop!

Mrs. Miggins

Gentlemen!

Ah, settle down. Settle down.

I'm sorry, no autographs.

The usual, Mrs. M.

Mrs. Miggins

Ooh, coming up, my lovelies!

If I could just squeeze through this admiring rabble. Gentlemen, I've come with a proposition.

How dare you, sir! You think, just because we're actors, we sleep with everyone!

I think, being actors, you're lucky to sleep with anyone. I come on behalf of my employer to ask for some elocution lessons.

I'm afraid that is impossible, sir. We are in the middle of rehearsing our new play. We cannot possibly upset our beloved audience by taking time off.

Mmm. Mustn't upset the punters. Bums on seat, laddie. Bums on seats.

And what play is this?

It is a piece we penned ourselves, called "The Bloody Murder of the Foul Prince Romero and his Enormous-Bosomed Wife".

A philosophical work, then?

Indeed yes, sir. The violence of the murder and the vastness of the bosom are entirely justified artistically.

Very well, I'll tell the prince you can't make it.

Prince?

Oh, did I forget to mention? It's the Prince Regent. Shame you can't make it. Still-

No, no, no, sir! Please! I do think we can find some time, do you not, Mr. Keanrick?

Definitely, Mr. Mossop.

Oh, but you've got your beloved audience to think about.

Oh, sod the proles. We'll come.

Yes. Worthless bastards to a man.

I'm glad to see artistic integrity thriving so strongly in the acting community. Well, this afternoon at four then, at the palace.