[bandaged up after an assassination attempt] I must say, Blackadder, that was a close shave. Why on earth would an anarchist possibly want to kill you?
I think it might have been you he was after, sir.
Oh, hogwash! What on earth makes you say that?
Well, my suspicions were aroused by his use of the words "Death to the stupid prince!".
That was a bit rude, wasn't it?
These are volatile times, your Highness. The American Revolution lost your father the Colonies, the French Revolution murdered brave King Louis and there are tremendous rumblings in Prussia, although that might have something to do with the sausages. The whole world cries out "Peace, freedom and a few less fat bastards eating all the pie!".
[looks down at the plate of pie in his hands and puts it to one side] Yes, you're right. Something must be done! Any ideas?
Yes, sir. Next week is your royal father's birthday celebrations. I suggest I write a brilliant speech for you to recite in order to show the oppressed masses how unusually sensitive you are.
Tell me about these oppressed masses. What are they so worked up about?
They are worked up, sir, because they are so poor, they are forced to have children simply to provide a cheap alternative to turkey at Christmas. Disease and deprivation stalk our land like...two giant stalking things. And the working man is poised to overthrow us.
[Baldrick walks in, carrying a mop and bucket]
Oh my god, and here he is!
Don't be silly, sir. That's Baldrick, my dogsbody.
What's silly about that? He looks like an oppressed mass to me. Get him out of here at once!
Shoo, Baldrick. Carry on with your cleaning elsewhere. And by tonight, I want that table so clean I could eat my dinner off it.
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