[Analysing each others' kit for the journey]
Richard: [pointing to James' utility belt] What's all this?
James: That is my belt of many things.
Richard: Are these all stuff for...
Jeremy: [interrupting] What is that?
James: Don't touch it. That is a dental healthcare kit.
Richard: What's this?
James: Don't touch it, just ask. That, is a shoe polishing kit.
Jeremy and Richard: What?!
James: It's a shoe polishing kit.
Jeremy: Well thank God for that. If we get hungry, we'll be able to eat his Kiwi boot polish.
Richard: Basically, what you've done is bought My First Explorer Kit.
James: [Jeremy inspects the rear of the belt] Don't touch it!

[At Norwich airport]
Police helicopter: ...Not really aware of your intentions, but, ah... you've strayed into the controlled airspace of Norwich Airport.
James: I may be about to get a colossal aviation bollocking.

[Attempting to get their home-made car road certified]
Jeremy: Let's move on, and do the Pendulum Test. This is designed to measure how well a car will stand up to being sideswiped by a bus or a truck.
[The test is demonstrated on a Ford Fiesta, which is almost totally destroyed by the pendulum's impact]
Jeremy: Frankly it was hard to see how we could possibly pass this, but then James came up with a plan. [The three are shown standing by their car, which is sitting next to the lowered pendulum] A plan that would fool even the most astute EU bureaucrat.
Director: Action!
Jeremy: Wow!
James: Wow!
Richard: Wow!
[The three run away from the car, backwards, and the pendulum is raised up and away from the car]
Richard: Tuo kool!
Jeremy: So, now our car is going to face the fearsome Pendulum Test.
[The preceding sequence is played in reverse; the pendulum appears to fall towards the car]
Richard: [slurred] Look out!
[The pendulum appears to hit the car without doing any damage at all. The three presenters run towards it]
Richard: Wow?
James: Wow?
Jeremy: Wow? [voiceover] Wow, indeed. Another pass!

[commencing the "range test", with the Stig's vegetarian cousin at the wheel]
Jeremy: James? How long, realistically, are you expecting that to keep going?
James: Well, I've topped up the genny tank, so that's eight hours on the generator, and that fully charges the battery as well, so you get another hour out of those, just the batteries.
[we see Vegetarian Stig at the wheel, wreathed in a thick cloud of diesel generator exhaust]
Jeremy: So realistically, you're looking for nine hours of running.
James: Yeah.
[title card: THIRTY FIVE MINUTES LATER]
[the car is stopped and emergency crews are trying to revive Vegetarian Stig]
Jeremy: What's happened there is...
Richard: Well, the Stig's died.

[David Coulthard and Jeremy's painting-with-an-F1-car experiment ends with Jeremy being hit in the testicles by high-speed paintballs and collapsing to the ground screaming]
David: I'll tell you, I'm not giving him mouth-to-mouth, that's for sure.

[Describing an outfitted Range Rover they have in the studio]
Jeremy: And here is the really amazing bit. This is what's called a "self-replenishing drinks cabinet". For the first year you own the car, when your drink supplies are getting low, they come 'round and top them up free of charge!
Richard: Wow! Wow!
James: Do I have to buy the car, or can I just have the self-replenishing drinks cabinet?
Jeremy: Honestly, I tell you what: if I bought this car, the diesel in the tank after one year would be exactly the same as it was when it came.
Richard: You'd still be in the same field. I tried drinking the diesel but then the man arrived with more champagne! I just want one of those!
Jeremy: No, it is. I mean really and truthfully, this is the car to buy if you are sensible... or if you're a drunk!

[Describing the new BMW X5 M]
Jeremy: The results are as dramatic as putting a furious weasel in your underpants.

[Driving along the Road of Death in the dark, long since abandoned by Jeremy]
James: Hammond, I want to say something to you that I wouldn't say at any other time.
Richard: ...What...?
James: ...Please don't leave me.

[During half-time, the presenters have returned to change their football shirts after James May made a mistake by giving them Newcastle shirts as it was a Middlesbrough vs Nottingham match]
Jeremy: We apologise for that terrible mistake, we have an art exhibition at the Mima Gallery, we have Ferreris, Lamborghinis, Richard Hammond's Land Rover!
[The spectators cheer]
Jeremy: Oh and there's one more thing, Nottingham, you can't come!
Jeremy: [voice over] The away supporters responded with good grace...
[Richard Hammond was expecting items to be thrown at them, but was amused when the Nottingham supporters jokingly chant "You fat bastard!", directed by Jeremy Clarkson]

[During the Golden Cock Award]
Jeremy: There was the time when James May, whilst following the Range Rover camera car, somehow managed to lose sight of it for a moment and then start following an entirely different Range Rover. And he failed to notice for an hour that it didn't have a camera crew in it and was in fact nothing to do with Top Gear at all.
Series 15

[During the opening sequence]
Jeremy: Tonight, the stupidest car in the world. A Vauxhall you might actually like. And who has won what in the Top Gear awards ceremony?

[During the opening sequence]
Jeremy: Tonight! I get scared half to death on our track. We host our own arts exhibition, and the world champion is in our Reasonably Priced Car.

[During the opening sequence]
Jeremy: Tonight! We drive down a sewer. We power-slide across a field. And we do some other things as well.

[During the opening sequence]
Jeremy: Tonight, James drives a milk float. Richard says "look out" backwards. And I cut my finger on some aluminium.

[During the opening sequence]
Jeremy: Tonight, James gets lost in a Lamborghini . Richard drives over a bridge in a Ferrari. And I wear a small hat in an Aston Martin.