Tony: Hey, Abs. Gibbs sent me down to find out what you found out.
Abby: What are you talking about?
Tony: You know, that thing you're working on for him.
Abby: Tony, I'm not telling you anything about your father's case. My lips are sealed.
Tony: [scoffs] Come on, I'm just doing -- [Abby steps in his way] -- I'm desperate, Abby.
Abby: I'm sorry. [hugs Tony]] Now leave and consider yourself banished.
Tony: [attempts to step around Abby, fails, and picks up a test tube] What's this?
Abby: Your father's urine.
Tony: I'm going.

Tony: How did it go with my father last night? Where is he?
Gibbs: Autopsy.
Tony: [deadpan] You shot him. I can't say I blame you.

Tony: How old do you guys think I am?
Ziva: Physically or mentally?

Tony: I hate libraries.
McGee: Another one of your fears?
Tony: Don't mock me.
McGee: What's to hate about libraries?
Tony: The smell gets me every time.
McGee: Yeah? What does a library smell like?
Tony: Lonely, smart people. [laughs]

Tony: I'm telling you, Ryan was there.
Ziva: So what if she was? I was happy to gossip when things were just getting started, but now that they are a couple I think we should just back off.
Tony: How are you not interested in other people's private lives?

Tony: Please, who really likes weddings anyway?
Ziva: There's nothing good about them.
Tony: Weird uncles making inappropriate toasts.
Ziva: Rubbery chicken enhanced by cheap wine.
Tony: Cheesy music and children. Rental tuxedos.
Ziva: The bouquet, the garter, the cake --
Tony: The fittings.
Ziva: The fittings. The fittings! We're not even to the actual ceremony yet.
Tony: The vows.
Ziva: The ring.
Tony: The kiss.
Ziva: The ketubah.
Tony: I don't even know what I'd do if I had to deal with all of that.
Ziva: Elope?
Gibbs: Yeah, well, it worked for me.

Tony: Sorry, I'm just --
McGee: Really pensive.
Tony: Confused.
McGee: Why, because you made out with your ex-fiance today?
Tony: [scoffs] What are you talking about?
McGee: Lipstick. It's not your color.
Tony: [looks in the mirror] Eagle eye, McGee.
McGee: So what's the problem? She's divorced. You're single.
Tony: The problem is been there, done that. Crash. Burn.
McGee: That bad?
Tony: NTSB is still looking for bodies.
McGee: What happened?
Tony: That's a good question, McGee. You always ask the good questions.

Tony: You know, one of these days I'd like to actually meet someone who appreciates movies the way I do, or at least appreciates the way I appreciate them.
EJ: She does, Tony.
Tony: Who?
EJ: Ziva.
Tony: [laughs] Agent Ziva David believes that Pirates of the Caribbean is a cinema classic.
EJ: I'm not talking about movies, Tony. I'm talking about you. She cares.
Tony: What's the matter with you? We're co-workers.
EJ: Yeah?
Tony: We're teammates.
EJ: Uh-huh.
Tony: We have each other's back.
EJ: Exactly.
Tony: Huh. Surround yourself with people you would give your own life for.

Tony: You should cut yourself some slack, EJ. What's the saying? That which does not kills us makes us stronger. I think Nietzsche said that. The thing to remember about Friedrich Nietzsche, of course, is that he died in an insane asylum. That's probably not the best way to start a pep-talk, huh?

Tony:Boss local leos outside say there's a woman outside who claims to be the victims doctor.
Gibbs:Let her in.
Tony:Doctor Kates sister.

Wendy: I lied to you, Tony.
Tony: About?
Wendy: Why I invited you to lunch. You were wrong. I was not trying to get information for a story. I invited you because I wanted to see you. Your turn.
Tony: Why?
Wendy: Uh, because we're taking turns and now it's your turn.
Tony: No. That is not what I meant and you know it.
Wendy: You want to know why I left.
Tony: I want to know why you said yes to me when the answer was really no. I want to know why you waited until the very last moment to tell me the truth. But most of all, my runaway bride, I would like to know why.
Wendy: Would it make a difference now? If you weren't so sad and so lonely you wouldn't even be wondering.
Tony: [laughs] Sad and lonely? You have me confused with Bosco. You like to see my little black e-book?
Wendy: Show me whatever you like, but it's not going to change what I see with my own eyes. You should tell her how you feel, whoever she is.
Tony: A) That's never going to happen, B) get out of my head, and C) answer the question.
Wendy: I left because I wasn't read to meet "the one", okay? And you were the one.
Tony: That doesn't make any sense.
Wendy: Are you sure? Because from I see you've spent the last nine years avoiding relationships. I was just broken first, which is why I left my hero cop to marry a stockbroker who cared more about money than people. I wasn't read to meet the one when we met, Tony, but I sent you that invitation because I am now.

Ziva: [mumbling in Hebrew] Unbelievable!
Tony: You finally saw The Crying Game?
Ziva: No. I got a speeding ticket!
Tony: Oh. You know what that means, McGee.
McGee: The system works.
Ziva: I was barely going over the limit!
McGee: Let me see. [takes the ticket from Ziva's outstretched hand] It says you were doing 80 in a 40.
Ziva: Not the entire time.
Tony: Did you tell them you were a federal agent?
Ziva: Excuse me?
Tony: Well, sometimes if they know they look the other way. [flahes badge] Oh, that's not my wallet!
Ziva: You do that often?
Tony: With one notable exception, I haven't gotten a speeding ticket in seventeen years.
McGee: Or paid for parking at football games.
Tony: It's a gray area. Sometimes I even get my donuts and coffee for free.
Ziva: I do not think Gibbs would approve.
Tony: What Gibbs doesn't know won't hurt him.
Gibbs: What don't I know, DiNozzo?
Tony: Um, Ziva got a speeding ticket! [looks uncomfortable after receiving a disapproving look from Ziva] And I sometimes get coffee for free. But I tip big! All right, let's have it. [receives a smack]
Gibbs: Let's go. Dead Navy captain.
Ziva: Do you ever get the feeling that he enjoys being smacked in the head?
McGee: I'd rather not think about it.

Ziva: [phone rings] David.
Tony: Can Brett hear you?
Ziva: Yes, of course.
Tony: Are you sitting down?
Ziva: What is it?
Tony: Put on your most Mossad ninja face. No reaction. Brett is George Kaplan. They are one in the same person.
Ziva: [falsely cheerful] Oh really? So what's the plan?
Tony: Gibbs wants you to hang in there until we know more. Don't let him out of your sight, like you did last time?
Ziva: [laughs] Nice. Well, I'll wait for you to call me back then, sweetheart.
Tony: Good luck.

Ziva: [to Tony] That is something Wendy mentioned about you. That you were one of the most honest people she knew. To others. She said the only person you lied to was yourself, which you do. A lot.

Ziva: I do not know what you are investigating, and I do not need to know, but ever since we lost Levin and Franks and EJ left, NCIS has been through a lot. We have been through a lot. We need some time.
Tony: We. As you in you and me?
Ziva: That's not what I meant.
Tony: Well what did you mean then, Ziva?
Ziva: All I'm saying is, look out for yourself. Please.