NCIS quotes

1049 total quotes

Gibbs: Things odd, Abby? What's odd?
Abby: The bullet that killed Midge. It's nasty. It's like way nastier than any standard .32 I've ever seen.
Gibbs: It looks pretty standard to me.
Abby: Yeah, but look closer. It's covered in mold spores, and old mold, like sixty years, which means it's a very old bullet.
Gibbs: From where?
Abby: Well, my first thought is this assassin from the past. He stumbles through a tear in the space-time continuum.
Gibbs: Or from somebody's old gun.
Abby: That was my second thought.

Palmer: Doctor Mallard, I've been holding on to the body for the family. No one ever contacted us.
Ducky: Well, claiming the remains of wanted men has always been taboo, Mr. Palmer. Forensic historians have shown more interest in their bodies than family members. That's why John Wilkes Booth has always been a fascination for me. You see, his --
Gibbs: Duck, you're not here, remember?
Ducky: Yes, but I am alive, and until I am embalmed and buried there will be stories to tell, and I look forward to telling them.

Tony: [holding Ziva up on his shoulders as she bangs on the escape hatch] I'm so glad we broke protocol and took the elevator. Who's bright idea was that anyway?
Ziva: What?
Tony: Xenia Onatopp, the Bond villain from Goldeneye. Famke Janssen. She would kill men by squeezing her well shaped, muscular thighs. [cringes as Ziva squeezes his neck]
Ziva: I could think of worse ways to die. [pushes on hatch] I am almost there! We're stuck!
Tony: Keep pushing, thigh master. I'm starting to enjoy this.
Ziva: Something is blocking it. It is jammed. They're going to have to open it from the outside. [slides down Tony's back as the elevator shifts] We slipped.
Tony: Did we? I thought the earth moved.
Ziva: You're sweating.
Tony: It's hot in here.
Ziva: I had not noticed.
Tony: Really?

Tony: How much longer are we going to be stuck in here? Hello?! Anybody!
Ziva: It's been hours, Tony. I cannot take much more of this.
Tony: What's that supposed to mean? I suppose it is getting a little ripe in here.
Ziva: I'm not ripe! You, on the other hand, are pungent!
Tony: [sniffs himself and coughs] Well, it could be worse. You could be stuck in this tin can with Miguel from human resources.
Ziva: [laughs] He sweats more than anyone I've ever known.
Tony: How about Jeremy from office operations? That guy. He's always undressing you with his eyes. I mean, he's fun, but a little creepy.
Ziva: Hey, what if one of those men is dead?
[They sit in silence but are startled at a knock, then the doors open]
Abby: [shoves the fireman out of the way] There you are!
Ziva: Abby, I've never been more happy to see your gorgeous face.
Abby: You guys must be ready to kill each other. I mean, I can't think of who I'd want to be stuck in an elevator with, except maybe Amelia Earhart, or Michelle Obama, or Joan of Arc, or the whole cast of Cirque du Soleil in case I got bored I could --
Tony and Ziva: Abby!

Tony: You can't tell me Midge didn't like me because I'm not a woman.
Ziva: Let it go, Tony. Midge liked you just fine, she just thought you were occasionally annoying.
Tony: Annoying? That's almost worse.
McGee: You're more like high maintenance. You know, always switching from the hip holster to the shoulder to the ankle.
Ziva: Changing from the Glock 17 to the 23 and then back again.
Tony: You know, what's high maintenance about that? I like a certain holster. I like a certain gun.

Ziva: Good news: McGee was released from the hospital.
Abby: [glum] Great. I'm sure he has a nice, big scar to show for it.
Ziva: Well, the doctor said it is not too significant, and maybe --
Abby: Maybe if the doctor had diagnosed Harper Dearing as a clinical nutjob years ago, then none of this would have happened!
Ziva: Okay. I see you are upset. I mean, we are upset too, but we're safe, and you have to focus on that. You have to focus on the good.
Abby: The good. What good? Harper Dearing took that away. First he goes after innocent sailors, and then he comes after us where we live. All I see is pain and destruction. I don't see good. I want good back.
Ziva: Abby, if anyone can find the good, it is you. I have no doubt.
Abby: What if this isn't over? What if Dearing isn't done?
Ziva: A terrorist is only as strong as the fear he creates.
Abby: Ziva, please. Kick. His. Ass.

Ziva: You've barely spoken since we left, brilliant chatterbox.
Tony: Not feeling so brilliant, I guess.
Ziva: Well, if it's any consolation, your friend Judy did not seem the least bit spoken for to me either.
Tony: Vance was right to yell. I'm off my game. I've lost my focus. It's like half my brain is still stuck in that elevator.