Gibbs: Seaman Derek Balfour.
Franks: Sweet merciful crap, man. Am I really supposed to remember all these names?!?

Gibbs: Stand right here. Look down. Do you feel that? Right there?
Dr. Cranston: What?
Gibbs: This is where the guy who murdered Kate died. This is where Ziva shot her own brother. That, doc, is closure. The rest is just memories. Nothing wrong with memories.

Gibbs: This is Special Agent Gibbs.
Mason: It was self defense.
Gibbs: Why don't you come on in, we can talk about it?
Mason: I think we both know that's not gonna happen.
Gibbs: You lied to me Mason.
Mason: I am sorry about that, but I just didn't want to take the chance that NCIS would screw things up, so I went to the ransom drop myself.
Gibbs: Yea, how'd that work out?
Mason: You're not the only one who was lied to. They said Rebecca would be there, they lied. I did not start the fight.
Gibbs: No, no, you just ended it.
Mason: He was trying to kill me, he gave me no choice. That's why I am calling you, to warn you. These people cannot be trusted. It was like the amateur hour out there today.
Gibbs: And you're the professional? Right?
Mason: I am what I am, bad luck for these guys. The rest is not important.
Gibbs: Mason, you need to come in before you cross a line that you can't come back from.
Mason: I don't have a lot of time so let me be as clear as I can be. There is not a force on this planet that's going to stop me from finding my granddaughter. You have to work within the law. I am a bit more flexible. [Call disconnects]

Gibbs: Thought you were dead.
Franks: I got better.

Gibbs: What do you got?
Abby: Other than my respect and adulation for human's ability to engineer teeny, tiny parts made of nothing but sand?
Gibbs: [looking down at a touchpad computer] Is it dead or alive?
Abby: It's neither. It's like a zombie, Gibbs; if you don't kill the brain, it doesn't die.

Gibbs: You CIA?
Ray Cruz: Just celebrated my thirteenth year, sir.
Tony: That's funny. Ziva failed to mention your line of work.
Ray: It's what I do. It's not who I am.
Tony: That's a very zen, new-agey kind of attitude for someone who instals puppet regimes for a living.
Ziva: Okay. Gibbs, can I give Ray a tour?
Gibbs: Yeah, sure. Don't lose him.
Ray: It's been a pleasure meeting all of you.
Tony: Huh. So it's not Renaissance Ray. It's CIA Ray. He's CIRay!
McGee: You really should get that checked out. It's like a bad tick or something.
Tony: Something about this guy, boss. His smile is disturbing. I haven't seen a smile like that since Christan Bale's barely audible Batman in The Dark Knight.
Gibbs: DiNozzo.
Tony: Right. Back to work. (in Batman voice) It's what I do. It's not who I am. (normally) Huh.

Gibbs: You were supposed to be here an hour ago.
Fornell: My daughter had a performance at school, I told you. Be nice to me. I'v just spent two hours with our ex-wife.
Gibbs: Yeah! She mention my name?
Fornell: Not for years.
Gibbs: Heh, you shaved your beard!
Fornell: That's very observant.
Gibbs: What is that?
Fornell: It's rice.
Gibbs: I thought you were picking up cheeseburgers.
Fornell: It's lamb curry from the Punjab Express.
Gibbs: We both agreed we hate that place.
Fornell: We did, but I got a twofer coupon in the mail.

Jarvis: Director Vance, I'm authorizing Agent DiNozzo access to sensitive compartmental information commensurate with a black op. None of your other team members need to know, is that clear?
Vance: Actually Clay, I'm a little concerned.
Jarvis: So an agent is selling top secret information. And they'll need to be dealt with appropriately.
Vance: Mr. Secretary, I'd like to discuss this first.
Jarvis: There's nothing else to talk about... If you are uncomfortable with this, Agent DiNozzo and I can do it without you. [Sec Nav hands DiNozzo a file] Take a look. That's who you're handling. Do whatever it takes. Any questions?
Season 9

Kate: How was I supposed to know what you were planning?
Tony: Well, we're a team, Kate! You're supposed to follow my lead.
Kate: Oh, even when I don't know where it's going?
Tony: Especially then.

Liat: Director David has left us a message.
Tony: What's that?
Malachi: It is the Hebrew word bayet. It means "house" or "home".
Tony: [sarcastically] Oh, so he's walking all the way home to Israel?
Liat: More likely the Israeli embassy.
Tony: "House". Oh, well, you know there is a House of Pancakes down the street, and also a House of Pies and a Donut House --
Ziva: [interrupting Tony] My father needs medical attention. We should split up, cover each possibility.
Liat: Okay. [she and Malachi leave]
Tony: Look, you're going to have to go on your own because Gibbs wants --
Ziva: Tony, do you know what a Golem is?
Tony: Creepy schizophrenic creature from Lord of the Rings?
Ziva: No, that's Gollum. A Golem is a supernatural being from Jewish folklore. It was created from mud to protect the Jews. The mystics sketched the name Emet into his forehead. When the monster's task was completed the letter aleph was scratched out, changing the word to met. Do you understand what I'm saying?
Tony: Yeah. Liat pulled a Golem. She erased a letter?
Ziva: Liat is an overachiever. She erased the entire word.
Tony: You're not going to the House of Pancakes, are you?

McGee: Look, I'm just saying that I think Tony is more upset than he's letting on.
Ziva: Yes, but he and his partner had not spoken in years.
McGee: Okay, let's say you and I hadn't spoken in years, and I get my throat slit by a serial killer.
Ziva: I would hunt him down, and make him regret the day he was born. You're not just any partner, McGee!
McGee: Neither is Tony.

McGee: [exiting the elevator] Ah, I missed these stained orange walls. God bless tacky American bureaucracy.
Tony: The prodigal probie returns.
McGee: You know, I realized something, Tony. You don't appreciate something until it's gone.
Tony: So you missed me, ay?
McGee: No, other things, like breakfast without beer.
Ziva: I thought that was the Irish.
Tony: Canadians, too.
McGee: You know, beer doesn't go well with either eggs or oatmeal. [looks at Ziva] Why are you so tan?
Ziva: Why are you so white?
McGee: I've always been like this.
Ziva: It becomes you.
McGee: You're lying.
Ziva: Through my teeth.

McGee: [speaking to three recruits while standing at his desk] Now, this is where the brain trust of the entire unit sits. Come on in. Come on in. Please, have a seat. You notice how I've angled my desk here to get a good vantage point of the entire team here. It's very important as an NCIS agent to stay aware.
Tony: [watching from his desk] What's going on here? Are we being replaced by younger models?
Ziva: I am a younger model.
Tony: If that was intended to hurt me, you have succeeded.
Ziva: And we are not being replaced. They are from Waverly University.
Tony: Oh, yeah, that's right. Director Vance's internship program. It's not a good idea. It feeds McGee's need to have groupies. [Ziva smiles]

McGee: Erm...real funny, Tony.
Tony: (Laughs) You think I did this?
Ziva: I would not put it past you.
Tony: Guys! Come on, a little credit, please. I have grown past this kinda sophomore thing. I mean, who would do something so...genius! McGee with a plastic girlfriend! Congratulations, Tim! She's very sweet.
McGee: The receipt's got my credit card information on it. It must be some kind of mistake.
Ziva: I would cancel your credit card.
McGee: Right now, all I need to do is figure out how to deflate this thing.
Tony: Oh that's easy, there's always a button right here on the back of the neck...(Tony realises what he has just said)...there's no reason I should know that.
(Gibbs and Ducky are in Autopsy, looking over Sgt Wooten's body.)

McGee: How many Caf-Pow's have you had today?
Abby: Um, Eleven..teen.