Mr. Show quotes
217 total quotesDel Crow (Bob): Already our little one's got a scholarship to Miss Lily's Finishing School.
Interviewer: What's that?
Del Crow (Bob): It's a - a school where they teach ya - how to finish.
Interviewer: What's that?
Del Crow (Bob): It's a - a school where they teach ya - how to finish.
Derlin Whittier, talk show guest (David): Before I die, I'm gonna fuck me a fish.
Dougie Bendel, Dalai Lama (Bob): A rap, rap, a rap rap rap. A rap, rap, a rap tap tap. Get rappin' with it. Heyyyyy. Get rappin' with it. Hohhhh!
Professor Murder (Sam Sarpong): Damn, his science is too tight!
Professor Murder (Sam Sarpong): Damn, his science is too tight!
Dougie Bendel, Dalai Lama (Bob): William van Landingham?!
William van Landingham III (Jerry Messing): The Third, my dear boy!
William van Landingham III (Jerry Messing): The Third, my dear boy!
Father of Thomas, the adventurer (Bob): Nooooo! Let Thomas do it himself. Climbed Mt. Everest!?!?
Garry Flank documentary voiceover (Bob): That's when tragedy struck. Captain Tragedy.
Gerald Hennessey Imposter (Bob Odenkirk): By the time this class is over, two of you will be murdered. One of you will commit suicide. One of you will get injured...in the leg. Two of you will quit law school because it's so hard...and you'll go off to run an apple butter farm.
Gerald Hennessey Imposter (Bob Odenkirk): This is not a playground so leave your lunchboxes at home, as well as your games, and um, jokes, and balls, and riddles.
Gerald Hennessey Imposter (Bob Odenkirk): You come in here with heads filled with soup, when you are done with law school, your brain will be like a steel trap with the bloody foot of law inside it, crying out for its mommy!
Girlfriend (Jill): ...you GAVE people blowjobs?
Boyfriend (Bob): The most people!
Boyfriend (Bob): The most people!
Glenn Petersen, phone sex guru (Bob): Horny Slut Hot-line. This is Peppermint.