Married... with Children quotes
396 total quotesAll Seasons Season 1 Season 2 Season 3 Season 4 Season 5 Season 6 Season 7 Season 8 Season 9
Season 10
Season 11
Al: Why are you doing this to me, Marcy?
Marcy: Because God's on vacation and He wants me to fill in.
Marcy: Because God's on vacation and He wants me to fill in.
Babcock: How dare you take my name, little Floyd? From this moment forth I shall refer to you only as Little.
Floyd: That's funny; that's how Mom refers to you.
Floyd: That's funny; that's how Mom refers to you.
Bud: Can we please watch something else, this is a rerun.
Kelly: No it's not, I've seen this one a million times.
Kelly: No it's not, I've seen this one a million times.
Bud: I've put all the family finances right here on this computer.
Al: You put something I don't have into something I don't understand.
Peg: You know, that reminds me of our sex life.
Al: That's putting something I have into something I don't like.
Al: You put something I don't have into something I don't understand.
Peg: You know, that reminds me of our sex life.
Al: That's putting something I have into something I don't like.
Bud: If I was a hot young chick, I couldn't keep my hands off myself.
Kelly: Well, I guess that makes you a hot young chick.
Kelly: Well, I guess that makes you a hot young chick.
Bud: Mom, I had a horrible day, and I could really use some motherly advice right now.
Peg: Shut up, Bud. Oprah is doing a show on mothers who don't pay attention to their sons.
Peg: Shut up, Bud. Oprah is doing a show on mothers who don't pay attention to their sons.
Carlos: Where is your father, the village shoesmith?
Kelly: He's with my mother, the village shopper, and my grandma, the village.
Kelly: He's with my mother, the village shopper, and my grandma, the village.
Doctor: Bad news, Mr. Darcy. I'm afraid we're gonna have to operate. You do have insurance, don't you?
Jefferson: Yes.
Doctor: Well, then, we will be using anesthesia.
Jefferson: Yes.
Doctor: Well, then, we will be using anesthesia.
Eric: It's amazing how your looks can improve with nice clothes, contacts and $10,000,000.
Jefferson: I think I got a way to put an end to all of this.
Al: Well, if you got the tailpipe, I got the lips.
Al: Well, if you got the tailpipe, I got the lips.
Jefferson: Like all other religions, we have a sacred obligation to make a lot of money and open our own theme park.
Jefferson: So the Tattoo on my but said M-A-R-Y.
Kelly: So What? M-A-R-Y. Marcy.
Bud: There's a C in Marcy.
Kelly: M-A-R-Y-C? Oh yeah, the C is silent.
Kelly: So What? M-A-R-Y. Marcy.
Bud: There's a C in Marcy.
Kelly: M-A-R-Y-C? Oh yeah, the C is silent.
Kelly: [answering machine message] Hi, you've reached Kelly. Please leave a message at the tone. If you're a girl calling for Bud: Hi, Mom.
Kelly: Daddy, wanna know what I think?
Al: Oh, this should be good.
Kelly: Now, like a great eastern religion says, it's all about striking a balance between the ping and the pong.
Al: Go get my noose, boy.
Al: Oh, this should be good.
Kelly: Now, like a great eastern religion says, it's all about striking a balance between the ping and the pong.
Al: Go get my noose, boy.