Al: Every day for the past 30 years you high-heeled pitbulls blamed us for everything. From not being able to go to Harvard to not being able to get into strech pants.
[the men agree]
Bob: We've been called pigs.
Pete: We've been called scum.
Jefferson: We've even been called Ply wood bottoms.
[the men look at him wierd]
Jefferson: Or at least I have.
Al: But we're sick and tired of it. Now we have a list of demands and if these demands are not met, we're going to take this masculine feminist and we're going to perform television's first sexorcism.
[A tied up Jerry Springer is nervous and tries to back away from Al and the members of No MA'AM. The male audience cheers]
Al: Tell them what that is Jefferson.
Jefferson: [removes mask] My name's Hank.
Al: Right. Sorry Hank
Jefferson: That's ok Al.
[the men look at him wierd]'
Jefferson: Anyway if these demands go unheeded, not only we'll Jerry to watch hours of Pro Wrestling. But we'll force him to watch them in these.
[Jim reveals a stinky yellow under shrit and Pete shows a pair of boxers which reads "It's All Me."]
Jefferson: A Stinky yellow undershirt and a pair of boxers which reads "It's All Me."
[the men cheered as the No Ma'am members shove the clothes in Jerry's face who tries to resist them]

Al: First thing they teach you when you're a rookie shoe salesman is, when you got a fat one in the chair, never look up. Well, I looked up, Peg. I saw underwear. It said "Saturday."
Peg: So what?
Al: [starts crying] Today's Wednesday.

Al: Gee I wish I could figure out what happened to my tools and my copper wiring and my tile and my life and my manhood.

Al: Gee, I can't believe how small it is.
Peg: Boy, if I had a nickel for every time I've said that.

Al: God, what a day in the shoe store. We had a clearance sale. We had to get rid of all our size 13DDDD. The store was packed with women. Well, there were actually only two in the store, but it was wall to wall.

Al: Greatest hobby in the world and women just don't get it.
Peg: No, what I just don't get is sex.
Al: That'll be Bud's new hobby.
Peg: Sex?
Al: No! Baseball cards.

Al: Guys, guys, guys. This should be a happy day, not fighting, and arguing, and... (looks at Peggy) having sex with our spouses.

Al: Having only one kid around the house is like having only one noose around your neck.

Al: Hey Bud, Mom is sick. Get her an aspirin.
Bud: I am bushed.
Al: No pressure. Do it tomorrow.

Al: Hey Peg! I got you something that's gonna make your life much easier.
Peg: You got a night job?
Al: No, I already got one of those. It's called getting in bed with you.
Peg: Well then, you've been missing work.

Al: Hey Steve, too bad Alfalfa is dead or else he could play you in the movie of your life.

Al: Hey, Griff, Where's your Christmas spirit?
Griff: My ex-wife got it in the divorce settlement.

Al: Hey, kids, whaddya say? You wanna go out for a nice dinner tomorrow?
Bud: We wanna see Tears and Vomit.
Al: Well, you see that when your mom cooks.

Al: Hey, Peg -- still on strike?
Peg: What does it look like?
Al: You could be on fire and I wouldn't know.

Al: Hey, Peg, you know what I was dreaming about at work today?
Peg: Me, Al?
Al: Yes, Peg.
Peg: Was I in bed?
Al: Yes you were. In fact, I tied you up.
Peg: Ooh, well, that sounds so kinky, Al. What were you doing?
Al: Cindy Crawford.