It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia quotes
334 total quotesDennis: I have a proposition too. Why don't you walk in front of me so I don't get your blood all over my feet?
Dennis: It's fatness, plain and simple. It's a person becoming fat before your very eyes.
Charlie: And I don't even know how to make the bird jokes anymore. They no longer apply.
Dee: I'm not fat, I'm pregnant!
Mac: I feel like you say that all the time now.
Frank: You better do yourself a favor and flush it out.
Charlie: Wait a second, you definitely said that before.
Mac: Since we're all saying things we say all the time. I'll just reiterate. Dee, we don't care about you, or your body, or that baby bird.
Charlie: And I don't even know how to make the bird jokes anymore. They no longer apply.
Dee: I'm not fat, I'm pregnant!
Mac: I feel like you say that all the time now.
Frank: You better do yourself a favor and flush it out.
Charlie: Wait a second, you definitely said that before.
Mac: Since we're all saying things we say all the time. I'll just reiterate. Dee, we don't care about you, or your body, or that baby bird.
Dennis: So, uh, Dennis and Dee Reynolds here, we are talking about the homeless issue here in Philly, that's a big issue these days and we're here with our friend Cricket, he is a homeless man. Cricket, walk us through a day in your life.
Rickety Cricket: A day in the life-- well, the other morning, I wake up and I find a dog sniffin' at my wound. He's fully aroused - mind you - so I'm thinking "oh great, what does this jerk want?" Of course I know what he wants, he's looking at me right in the eyes, he does not have to say it - not that he could. [Starts sucking on a lemon] Urrggghhhh that is- that is tart! That is really tart. I mean does my scar look like a dog's vagina? You know, maybe, I don't know, I'm not going to sit here and try to get inside the mind of a dog! I mean that's God's work. Well, not that I believe in God, I don't. Not since that chinaman stole my kidney.
Rickety Cricket: A day in the life-- well, the other morning, I wake up and I find a dog sniffin' at my wound. He's fully aroused - mind you - so I'm thinking "oh great, what does this jerk want?" Of course I know what he wants, he's looking at me right in the eyes, he does not have to say it - not that he could. [Starts sucking on a lemon] Urrggghhhh that is- that is tart! That is really tart. I mean does my scar look like a dog's vagina? You know, maybe, I don't know, I'm not going to sit here and try to get inside the mind of a dog! I mean that's God's work. Well, not that I believe in God, I don't. Not since that chinaman stole my kidney.
Dennis: That's all our money!
Charlie: No, it's all my money. You lost your money when you said no to the trucker.
Charlie: No, it's all my money. You lost your money when you said no to the trucker.
Dennis: The whole purpose of buying the boat in the first place was to get the ladies nice and tipsy top side, so we can take them to a nice comfortable place below deck, and you know, they can't refuse...because of the implication.
Mac: Okay you had me goin' there for the first half. The second half kinda threw me.
Dennis: Well dude, think about it. She's out in the middle of nowhere, with some dude she barely knows. She looks around and what does she see? Nothing but open ocean. "Ah there's nowhere for me to run! What am I gonna do, say no?"
Mac: Okay. That seems really dark.
Dennis: It's not dark, you're misunderstanding me, bro.
Mac: I think I am.
Dennis: Yeah, you are. Because if the girl said 'no', then the answer is obviously 'no'. But the thing is she is not gonna say no. She would never say 'no', because of the implication.
Mac: Ok, now that's the second time you've said that word, what implication?
Dennis: The implication that things might go wrong for her if she refuses to sleep with me. Not that things are gonna go wrong for her, but she's thinking that they will.
Mac: ... But it sounds like she doesn't want to have sex with you..
Dennis: Why aren't you understanding this?
Mac: Okay you had me goin' there for the first half. The second half kinda threw me.
Dennis: Well dude, think about it. She's out in the middle of nowhere, with some dude she barely knows. She looks around and what does she see? Nothing but open ocean. "Ah there's nowhere for me to run! What am I gonna do, say no?"
Mac: Okay. That seems really dark.
Dennis: It's not dark, you're misunderstanding me, bro.
Mac: I think I am.
Dennis: Yeah, you are. Because if the girl said 'no', then the answer is obviously 'no'. But the thing is she is not gonna say no. She would never say 'no', because of the implication.
Mac: Ok, now that's the second time you've said that word, what implication?
Dennis: The implication that things might go wrong for her if she refuses to sleep with me. Not that things are gonna go wrong for her, but she's thinking that they will.
Mac: ... But it sounds like she doesn't want to have sex with you..
Dennis: Why aren't you understanding this?
Dennis: Without the sunglasses, Weekend at Bernie's would have been a very dark, strange tale.
Dennis: You are dressed like the Phantom of the Opera. He's not a vampire.
Charlie: He eats theater people.
Dennis: No, he doesn't.
Mac: I think he might.
Frank: He does.
Dennis: Do you even know who the Phantom of the Opera is?
Mac: He might not.
Frank: He doesn't.
Charlie: I don't.
Charlie: He eats theater people.
Dennis: No, he doesn't.
Mac: I think he might.
Frank: He does.
Dennis: Do you even know who the Phantom of the Opera is?
Mac: He might not.
Frank: He doesn't.
Charlie: I don't.
Frank: Animals should be food, rugs and trophies. Why do you think I'm wearing a leather suit?
Dee: That's leather? I thought it was plastic.
Frank: Who the hell wears a plastic suit?
Dee: I just don't question the things you do anymore.
Dee: That's leather? I thought it was plastic.
Frank: Who the hell wears a plastic suit?
Dee: I just don't question the things you do anymore.
Frank: Anyone want any more catfish?
Charlie: Yo dude. Definitely give me another one of those. They're delicious. And you can taste that sort of endangered tang...
Charlie: Yo dude. Definitely give me another one of those. They're delicious. And you can taste that sort of endangered tang...
Frank: We're trying to piece a night together and we need your help.
Artemis: I don't remember that night.
Frank: I didn't tell you which night yet.
Artemis: I don't remember most evenings.
Artemis: I don't remember that night.
Frank: I didn't tell you which night yet.
Artemis: I don't remember most evenings.
Mac: A lot of great actors have done blackface.
Dennis: There's countless examples of very classy actors doing black face. We got the great C. Thomas Howell in Soul Man. We got the Wayans Brothers in White Chicks. That was a very tasteful example of reverse blackface.
Dennis: There's countless examples of very classy actors doing black face. We got the great C. Thomas Howell in Soul Man. We got the Wayans Brothers in White Chicks. That was a very tasteful example of reverse blackface.
Mac: Guys! Guys! Guys! I'VE GOT NEWS! I've got HUGE news! So I went down to the gym this morning, right. I was all amped up, cuz' Charlie and I found found a bunch of nuts. I was SO full Protein. Okay. I went to get my pump on, but I couldn't get my pump on. Now, I know what you are thinking, clearly I did get my pump on but that's just because I did a bunch of push-ups outside also why I am out of breath.
Mac: Hey bro, how'd you lose your hand?
Sailor: Diabetes.
Mac: That's not much of an adventure is it? Kind of tragic.
Sailor: Diabetes.
Mac: That's not much of an adventure is it? Kind of tragic.