It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia quotes

334 total quotes



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Charlie (eating spaghetti out of a zip-loc bag): What's your spaghetti policy?

Charlie: (Concerned) What the hell happened down there; some kind of horse massacre?

Charlie: Are you wearing makeup?
Dennis: I'm always wearing a little bit of foundation but that's not the point.

Charlie: If animals have taught me anything, it's that you can easily die and very quickly under a bus and on the side of the road.

Charlie: oh my god i just found a rats nest slaughtered about 200 of them. It's like whole generations of those things have died at my hands. Mothers, fathers, grandfathers, little baby rats.
Dee: Well, you know, keep up the good work.
Charlie: Sometimes, I wonder though, if our lives are really more valuable than theirs. You know what I mean?
Dennis: Yeah they are. Our lives definitely are without a doubt.

Charlie: Principal McIntyre, I recently starting mentoring one of the kids here.
Principal McIntyre: Really? That's odd, because you're a janitor.

Charlie: This is for the rats!

Charlie: What does 3D even stand for?
Dee: 3rd Dimension. Just... shh. Please stop talking.
Charlie: 3rd Dimen... (chuckles) What dimension are we in?
Dee: Shh, Charlie. I don't know. Shh.
Charlie: Isn't stuff... like... suppossed to pop out at us?
Dee: I don't know. I'm not sure. Let's watch and find out.
[bird screeching]

Charlie: Wow. Did you see that?
Dee: Yeah, yeah. I saw that.
Charlie: That came like right at you. Is this safe?

Charlie: You keep on using this word "jabroni" and... it's awesome.

Dee: I bet you don't even have any black people here.
Pool Guy: Excuse me, ma'am, but there's an African American family right there.
Dee: Well good for you. You keep a couple token ones around. Do you parade them around like a couple dancing monkeys?

Dee: I'm not fat, I'm pregnant!

Dee: Just so I'm clear, you don't actually think things are going to come alive because you're spending the night in museum, right?

Dee: This sucks. This sucks a bag of dicks.

Dee: You've been really stressed so I thought I'd take you to a spa day. Just the two of us.
Charlie: A what day?
Dee: Spa day.
Charlie: What is this word, spa? I feel like you're starting to a say a word and you're not finishing it. Spaghetti? Are you taking me to a spaghetti day?