It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia quotes

334 total quotes

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Artemis: Im gonna take my bra off, blast my nips.

Billboard contestant: So, there's no pay?
Mac: I just told you what the pay was!
Frank: He told you what the goddamn pay was!

Charlie: [Drunk and slurring] Sooo I thought we could celebrate, with some pizza! And soome beer! Ohhh, that's right! I ate all the pizza, and I drank all the beer.

Charlie: [in Dennis' bed] Am I peeing?...Hey guys, if I'm peeing, wake me up!

Charlie: Dude...[reaches in mouth]
Mac: No...stop! Don't do it. Oh my God.
[Charlie pulls out tooth]
Mac: How? How is that possible?!?
Charlie: I don't know.
Mac: Just put it down.
Charlie: Do you think they're my baby teeth?
Mac: Put it with the other ones.
Mac: You're not going to be able to eat this hot dog.
Charlie: I'll suck it down.

Charlie: (singing) I was that little boy, that little baby boy was me! I once was a boy, but now I'm a man! I fought the Nightman, lived as Dayman, now I'm here to ask for your hand, so if you are too merry m'am will you marry me? Will you come on stage and join me in this thing called matrimony? Please say yes and do not bone me, please just marry me!

Charlie: [about the TV show Extreme Makeover: Home Edition] That show is basically about how awesome Sears is!

Charlie: [referring to Sinbad] I hope he's wearing something made out of windbreaker.

Charlie: Cannibalism? Racism? Dude that's not for us...those decisions are better left to the suits in Washington. We're just here to eat some dude!

Charlie: I'll blast you all over if you flinch again.

Charlie: I'm gonna go pick up some diguises.
Dennis: Why?
Charlie: So people don't know who we are.
Dennis: People already don't know who we are!

Charlie: Later dudes. S you in your As, don't wear a C, and J all over your Bs.
Mac: Why would he not wear a C?
Dennis: I don't even know what he's talking about half the time, bro.

Charlie: Of course I'm gonna explode. You think I'm not gonna explode?

Charlie: Wait, wait, wait...Check his pulse.
Dee: He doesn't have a head, Charlie!

Charlie: What does a little Mexican girl love more than anything else in the world?
Dennis: Hmmmmmmmmm...tacos.
Charlie: Tacos, buddy!