The Muppet Show quotes

172 total quotes



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Waldorf: That's one of the reasons I always thought the Muppets are weird. They think explosions are funny. Explosions aren't funny.
[Statler's cigar explodes.]
Waldorf: ...although, some of them are really quite droll.

Kermit: [after Juliet called him "the Robert Redford of frogs"] You're gonna be coming back on this show a LOT!

Waldorf: Yeah, whadya think?
Statler: Beats sitting home watching television.
Mahna Mahna: Mahna Mahna!

Bert: Ernie... did I make a complete fool of myself?
Ernie: [patting Bert's shoulder] Absolutely, Bert.

Statler: Hm. Do you think this show is educational?
Waldorf: Yes. It'll drive people to read books.

Fozzie: Bug off? What kind of joke was that?
Kermit: That was no joke, Fozzie.
Fozzie: That was my wife!

Waldorf: More! More!
Statler: No, not so loud: they may hear you!

Robot Kermit: Hey, listen, how about you, and me getting together, and making some steam heat. Huh, snuggle bunny?
Miss Piggy: Snuggle bunnny? Why, uh...
Robot Kermit: Yeah. Look, let me take you away from all this. Ah, a marriage made in heaven! A frog and a pig. And we can have bouncing baby figs!

Statler: Well, did you like the show?
Waldorf: No I didn't. No I didn't. No I didn't.

Dancer: I hear you come from a broken home.
Animal: Yeah, I broke it myself!

Waldorf: Yes, uh, well, uhn-huh. I still couldn't find the chewing gum.

Kermit: Your salary is 20 a week.
Scooter: Could you make it 25?
Kermit: Are you kidding? I can't afford it!
Scooter: Gee, my uncle will be really disappointed.
Kermit: How about 30?

Waldorf: Pay up, they made it through another one.
Statler: Double or nothing on next week's show?
Waldorf: You're on.

Kermit: Can we get back to the subject at hand... Florence?
Florence: Well, there's no question in my mind!
Kermit: [after a pause] As to what?
Florence: Nothing! There's no question in my mind! Ha ha! No answers either.

Janice: That man is annoying me.
Zoot: He isn't even looking at you.
Janice: That's what's annoying me.