Mr. James: You're sleeping with the boss now, Lisa. What do you think the staff's gonna feel about that? You know what people think about Yoko Ono.
Lisa: Yes, I do sir.
Mr. James: What about you Dave, you know what they think about Paul McCartney.
Dave: You mean John Lennon.
Mr. James: No, people liked him.

[Bill arrives at the office with a cane.]
Dave: Hi, Bill...something wrong with your leg?
Bill: Not that I'm aware of, but thanks for asking.
Dave: If there's nothing wrong with your leg, then why the cane?
Bill: The what?
Dave: The cane. Your walking stick.
Bill: Oh, you mean my cane. Picked her up at an antique store over lunch. They say she's over a hundred years old. Hand-carved mahogany with a solid brass tip. What's the matter, Dave? Don't you like my cane?
Dave: Again, Bill, why do you have a cane?
Bill: You like my cane, don't you, Catherine?
Catherine: It's a cane, Bill. Who cares?
Bill: [laughing] You see, it's just like that saying: "Everybody loves a cane."
Dave: No, Bill, I believe the saying is "Everybody loves a clown", which is what you look like with that thing.
Bill: Ahh! You're jealous of her, aren't you?
Dave: No, Bill, I'm not jealous of her. It's just that it's such an obvious affectation, a desperate bid for attention.
Bill: Maybe. Or maybe I just like canes.

[The Santa in the lobby has been threating to kill Bill]
Bill: Why are you doing this to me?
Santa: Do I have your complete attention, Bill McNeal?
Bill: Yes!
Santa: Good. [Takes off the Santa hat and beard] My name's Sam Belford. I'm a communications major trying to break into broadcasting. I know this is kind of a silly stunt, but you won't soon be forgetting the name Sam Belford, am I right? And now I'd like to present you with a copy of my demo tape.
Bill: You did all this to get me to listen to your demo tape?
Santa: Yes.
Bill: You're gonna go places in this business, son!

[Beth shows Bill a nude photo of herself, disguised with a paper bag so he won't recognize her]
Beth: Bill, what do you think of this photo?
Bill: Who is that?
Beth: Oh, it's a friend of mine doing a thesis at NYU, it's a fine arts program.
Bill: Uh-huh. Well, it's an interesting commentary on the objectification of the female form and of course the masks women are forced to wear in our society. If I were the NEA I'd give her five or six grand.
Beth: Well, Bill, do you think it's sexy?
Bill: Well, I don't really think that's germane to a discussion of the statement the artist is trying to make.
Beth: Thank you, Bill.
[Bill walks over to Matthew]
Bill: Beth's showing nudie photos of herself with a paper bag over her head. Check it out.

[Bill sets up a cubicle around his desk]
Dave: Have you thought about how this will make you co-workers feel?
Bill: Actually, one of the great things about the cubicle is not having to think about my co-workers at all.

[Mr. James puts a heart shaped box in the paper shredder.]
Mr. James: Ahh, shreddin' a heart. If that's not a metaphor for... something, I don't know what is.