By the way, you'll be happy to hear that you're going to New Hampshire after all.
How come Matthew's not going?
Well, apparently if he's away from home for more than 30 minutes, his cats start plotting against him.
And people say you're whipped.
S2 E14The Song Remains The Same
S2 E15Zoso
Negotiation Secret #7: The early bird...
Gets the worm?
No, gets the other bird's throat ripped out faster.
What was the saddest movie you ever saw?
Oh, Wall Street, where that guy loses all the money.
S2 E16Houses of The Holy
So, Theo, you want to work in broadcasting?
TTheo
Anything would be better than what I'm doing now.
What are you doing now?
TTheo
I give motivational speeches for corporate events.
Theo makes me think he's doing one thing but he's really doing something else. He's just like every other guy I've dated except he uses props.
(Repeated Line) Dave? [Coffee table falls over]
I'm sorry Joe, but I can't let you do this.
Okay.
Hang on there buddy. I know a diamond in the rough when I see one.
What are you talking about Bill? You look- You can't just pluck someone off the street and put him behind the microphone.
Of course you can. How do you think Edward R. Murrow was discovered?
That is not how Edward R. Murrow was discovered.
Don't try to confuse me with the facts. Joe, don't let this nattering nabob of negativity break your spirit.
Okay, enough fooling around.
All right. I guess we'll have to agree to disagree on this one. Trying to reason with savages is thirsty business. I'm going to get another cup of coffee.
Joe, I'm sorry, I can't let you do this.
That's okay man, I don't care.
All right. Great.
But you got to get somebody in here because we're back on the air in 15 seconds.
Right. Uh-
Bill just went to the break room.
Uh-
You gotta get something, I can cover it man. It's no big deal.
Are you sure you know what you're doing?
I just got one question. What's this mean, "You're listening to WYNNYX"?
That's WNYX, Joe.
I'm kidding. Relax.
All right, good luck.
No problem.
S2 E17Physical Graffiti
Dave, don't worry about it. You know what they say: "Mighty oaks from little acorns grow."
...Thanks, Bill. Do you get all your lines from fortune cookies?
[A short while later]
Envy not that which not need be possessed.
Thanks, Bill.
Good fortune happy lucky big time for you and family. That one doesn't make a lot of sense, but it's always stuck with me.
This is the most childish stunt you have ever pulled.
Au contraire, my dear. Gluing your pencils together was the most childish stunt I ever pulled.
You know, I do not blame you. If my boyfriend acted like that, I would go absolutely bitchcakes.
Bitchcakes?
I just made that up. You think it's gonna catch on?
Joe, get this off there. Get it off there, okay?
You can't take something off the Internet.
What?
It's like trying to take pee out of a swimming pool. It's in there, it's in there.
JJim
All right, come on you two. Geez, I don't know. It's like everybody's going absolutely bitchcakes here today.
S2 E18Led Zeppelin
[Reading Dave's memo to Lisa] Oops!
What?
This is a word that, in my experience, the ladies don't particularly go for.
Oh, that's just a typo. It's supposed to read "pushy."
Even if I did blab your personal life to the world, no one would believe me.
Why not?
Because I am widely believed to be an inveterate liar, and rightly so.
S2 E19Presence
Cards aren't a game of luck. They're a game of strategy, statistics, probability, and money management.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's NewsRadio pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.