Archer quotes
339 total quotesArcher: Is anybody hit? Not really the explosive climax I thought it was gonna be.
Ray: Is nobody gonna touch that? Seriously?
Ray: Is nobody gonna touch that? Seriously?
Archer: It's a pink ribbon, I have breast cancer.
Brett: [Laughing]' Seriously, breast cancer?
Archer: Yes.
Brett: Sure it's not lady vagina cancer?
Archer: [Laughing weakly] Excuse me.
[He leaps on Brett and starts punching him.]
Archer: [Between punches] I'm trying... to stay positive... both mentally... and spiritually... Brett!
Cyril: Well he certainly doesn't have cancer in his fists.
Ray: Nah, he's beatin' his ass.
Brett: [Laughing]' Seriously, breast cancer?
Archer: Yes.
Brett: Sure it's not lady vagina cancer?
Archer: [Laughing weakly] Excuse me.
[He leaps on Brett and starts punching him.]
Archer: [Between punches] I'm trying... to stay positive... both mentally... and spiritually... Brett!
Cyril: Well he certainly doesn't have cancer in his fists.
Ray: Nah, he's beatin' his ass.
Archer: Jesus, Krieger, you're still taping bum fights?
Krieger: No, now I'm into something... darker.
Krieger: No, now I'm into something... darker.
Archer: Lawyer up. Call the cops.
Malory: What?
Archer: Oh, and hit the throttle on the bourbon because I'm gonna have to, uh, bust you in the face a couple times.
Malory: What are you talking about?
Archer: Self-defense, mother! It's your only shot! We'll have to uncuff him and "de-dildo" him, obviously...Smash up the furniture like he was chasing you all rapey. Fortunately, he's Italian so that shouldn't be too hard to sell.
Malory: What?
Archer: Oh, and hit the throttle on the bourbon because I'm gonna have to, uh, bust you in the face a couple times.
Malory: What are you talking about?
Archer: Self-defense, mother! It's your only shot! We'll have to uncuff him and "de-dildo" him, obviously...Smash up the furniture like he was chasing you all rapey. Fortunately, he's Italian so that shouldn't be too hard to sell.
Archer: Let's talk this out.
Lana: Talk what out?! How you ruined my chance to work for ODIN?! Or--ooh!--maybe how I just caught my boyfriend balls deep in some French chick!
Archer: Ex-boyfriend, I bet.
Lana: Oh, you think?!
Archer: Yeah, he's not coming back. That chick was, like, the Pelé of anal.
Lana: Talk what out?! How you ruined my chance to work for ODIN?! Or--ooh!--maybe how I just caught my boyfriend balls deep in some French chick!
Archer: Ex-boyfriend, I bet.
Lana: Oh, you think?!
Archer: Yeah, he's not coming back. That chick was, like, the Pelé of anal.
Archer: Mother burned me?
Lana: Apparently.
Archer: Oh, my god, that's classic her.
Lana: You're both classic her.
Lana: Apparently.
Archer: Oh, my god, that's classic her.
Lana: You're both classic her.
Archer: Mother! What is in his ass?!
Malory: Oh, please. Don't act like you've never seen a "marital aid" before.
Archer: Not in a dead prime minister's ass!
Malory: And you can stop repeating that! We've established where it is!
Malory: Oh, please. Don't act like you've never seen a "marital aid" before.
Archer: Not in a dead prime minister's ass!
Malory: And you can stop repeating that! We've established where it is!
Archer: Noah, I'm half drunk and slathered in every bodily fluid there is... so yeah... this is about as Pirate Kingy as I'm going to get so brief away... Noah... Good Morning.
Archer: ODIN doesn't beat Sterling Archer! Only Sterling Archer beats... [He trails off as he realizes he's lost the target.]
Lana: Do you wanna finish that thought?
Archer: Do you wanna shut your big, fat, negative, wordsy mouth?!
Lana: Do you wanna finish that thought?
Archer: Do you wanna shut your big, fat, negative, wordsy mouth?!
Archer: Oh my God, you killed a hooker!
Cyril: Call girl! She was a call girl!
Archer: No, Cyril, when they're dead, they're just hookers!
Cyril: Call girl! She was a call girl!
Archer: No, Cyril, when they're dead, they're just hookers!