Alan: This is so nice. A private, intimate dinner for just the two of us. Oh, my God, you guys! [he and Melissa enter the room for Alan's birthday party but nobody is there] There's nobody here.
Melissa: I don't understand. I told them to be here an hour ago.
Alan: Yeah, well, what are you gonna do? My family are a bunch of thoughtless, selfish buttwipes. [he turns around to see Charlie, Jake, Evelyn, and Berta standing in the doorway]
Charlie: Surprise.

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