Cheryl: Mrs. Walker? Cheryl Bricker-Fossberg, Taylor and Hayden's mom.
Karen: I have no idea what you just said.
Cheryl: I just want you to know I think you're awful. Your son Mason swam his heart out today, and all he wanted to do was share that joy with his family. But when he looked up in the bleachers for a familiar face, nothing. Not even a housekeeper. I find that appalling.
Karen: Oh, yeah? Well, I find stretch pants appalling, but I'm too much of a lady to mention it, fat ass.

Gillian: And, honey? That color doesn't even look good on an orange, okay?

Grace: [to Will] My love for you is like this scar. Ugly, but permanent.

Grace: Can you imagine if whoever it was had actually gotten in? He probably would've made me rub lotion all over myself so he could make a prairie skirt out of my skin. Karen, I have never been more terrified in my entire life.
Karen: Oh, honey. Stan bought me a 7-karat ruby on our trip to Paris last year.
Grace: What does that have to do with the break-in?
Karen: Nothing, honey. I thought we were just swapping stories. Jeez, Louise! Didn't realize it was "All about Grace" day.

Grace: Oh, my God. I know this apartment. You'll never guess whose it is. You're gonna die.
Will: We're all gonna die, Grace. The important thing is what you do while you're here.

Grace: Sumner, hi. If you're looking for your Aunt Karen, she's not here. She doesn't work on days that end with... "day."

Grace: You said that money was no object.
Karen: Honey, that's just a saying, like, "Ooh, that sounds like fun," or "I love you."

Jack: Hey friends, lovers, mothers and other strangers! You are never going to believe what happened to me. [trips] Oh, my God, did you see that? I almost did a half-nelson. I almost bruised my delicates, my delicates, my domo arigatos, mister tomatoes. Huge news! I have met -- are you ready for this? Mister Right. Well, Mister Right Now anyway, ba-dum-dum. Goodnight folks, I'm here all week! Jack 2000! He works over at the Jumpin' Java. You know, that coffee shop over on 72nd, and his name is Paul, and he is cute with a capital Q! And the busier it gets, the hotter he gets; and the hotter he gets, the sweatier he gets; and the sweatier he gets... I forgot where I am going with this, but the point is, me likey he and he likey me, and the best part is -- shazam! He gives me free ice coffee every time I go in, which is every hour on the hour and, thank you very much, and occasionally on the half hour. Ba-da-da-da-da-da! [blows raspberry]

Jack: Oh my God, I love TV. Buffy is my life! I'm so into Willow being a lez.

Jack: Ring... Hello? What's that? I'm bored? Thanks for calling, bye bye

Karen: You wouldn't happen to have a breath mint, would you?
Lady: Why, yes, I do. It's in my purse.
Karen: Well, pop it! It's not doing you any good in there!
Lady: How offensive!
Karen: Honey, it's your breath, not mine.

Karen: Don't worry, Jackie, I'll kick coffee too! I'll just have to get used to drinking my Bailey's straight. It'll still be the best part of waking up!

Karen: He's my nephew, and I love him like a son of a bitch! And I mean that literally. Stan's sister's a bitch.

Karen: HEY, PREGGO, WHAT? YOU NEVER SEEN HERPES BEFORE?

Karen: Honey, how can you drink straight orange juice first thing in the morning?