Torchwood quotes

257 total quotes



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Season 1
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Jack: All right, usual formation.
Gwen: What's the usual formation?
Owen: Varies.
Gwen: How can the usual formation vary?

Jack: And this is Ianto Jones [Ianto nods] Ianto cleans up after us, gets us everywhere on time.
Ianto : I try my best.
Jack: And he looks good in a suit.
Ianto: Careful, that's harassment, sir.

Jack: Before we go any further, who the hell orders pizza under the name of "Torchwood"?
Owen: Er, yeah, that would be me. Sorry, I'm a twat.

Jack: Ianto, how many people have we given amnesia pills to?
Ianto: Two thousand and eight.
Owen: Hey, what if they all become psychotic?
Tosh: Do you have to sound so happy?
Owen: Yeah, I'm just saying, Mean Streets!

Jack: Ianto? I need to hear those beautiful Welsh vowels!

Jack: My guess is you're not from around these parts.

Jack: No other race in the universe goes camping. Celebrate your uniqueness!

Jack: Once, just once, I'd like to walk into one of these tents and find it's a party, with food, and drink, and dancing; a girl crying in the corner.

Jack: There you go! I can taste it! Oestrogen. Definitely oestrogen. Take the pill, flush it away, it enters the water cycle. Feminizes the fish. Goes all the way up into the sky then falls all the way back down onto me. Contraceptives in the rain. Love this planet. Still, at least I won't get pregnant. Never doing that again.

Jack: This is Owen Harper.
Owen: Doctor Owen Harper.

Jack: This kid, Bernie. Where does he live?
Tosh: Splott.
Owen: Splott?!
Ianto: I believe estate agents pronounce it "Sploe".

Jack: We've been talking to the wrong corpse.

Jack: You shouldn't be here.
Ianto: Neither should you.
Jack: What you got?
Ianto: Funny sort of weather patterns.

Jack: [About Abaddon] Abaddon is the bringer of death, let's see how he goes with me. If he feeds on life, then I'm an all-you-can-eat buffet!

Jack: I went to war when I was a boy. I was with my best friend. We got caught crossing the border over enemy lines. They tortured him, not me, because he was weaker. They made me watch him die. And they let me go.
Captain Jack Harkness: Who were they?
Jack: The worst possible creatures you can imagine. I persuaded him to join up. I said it would be an adventure. He hadn't lived.
Captain Jack Harkness: Have any of us?