Titus quotes
82 total quotesTitus: We think you have a problem. It's about your drinking.
Ken: But I haven't had a drink in a month.
Titus: Dad, we'd like you to start again.
Ken: But I haven't had a drink in a month.
Titus: Dad, we'd like you to start again.
[As a practical joke, Titus has convinced hospital staffers to shave Ken's testicles.]
Ken: I look like a nine year-old boy.
Ken: I look like a nine year-old boy.
[Flashback to when Titus was 17]
Christopher: Daddy! My key doesn't work in the door any more! I have laundry!
Ken: [opens door] Laundry? [squirts dish soap over Titus' shirt] Here's some soap. Go find a rock in a river.
Christopher: Daddy! My key doesn't work in the door any more! I have laundry!
Ken: [opens door] Laundry? [squirts dish soap over Titus' shirt] Here's some soap. Go find a rock in a river.
[Ken, having started drinking again, reveals that Tommy had a dream about Titus in which Titus was naked.]
Tommy: The nudity, it wasn't gratuitous, it was integral to the plot of of the dream!
Titus: [disgusted] There was a plot?
Tommy: You were a pirate.
[Titus moans in disgust.]
Tommy: The nudity, it wasn't gratuitous, it was integral to the plot of of the dream!
Titus: [disgusted] There was a plot?
Tommy: You were a pirate.
[Titus moans in disgust.]
[Thinking they are going to die, Titus, Erin, Dave, and Tommy are voicing their regrets in life.]
Erin: I never got to see Ireland.
Titus: Honey, you never got to see San Diego.
Erin: [with dry sarcasm] That helps.
Erin: I never got to see Ireland.
Titus: Honey, you never got to see San Diego.
Erin: [with dry sarcasm] That helps.