The Red Green Show quotes

Red Green

(repeated line) ...the handyman's secret weapon, duct tape.

Red

(opening line of each Repair Shop segment) If it ain't broke, you're not trying.

Red

(closing line of each Handyman Corner segment) If the women don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handy.

Red

(closing line of each show) Keep your stick on the ice.

Red

(closing line of each Mid-Life Musings segment) Remember, I'm pulling for you. We're all in this together.

(Possum Lodge oath) Quando omni flunkus, moritati. (Translation: When all else fails, play dead.)

(Reciting the "Men's Prayer") I'm a man, but I can change, If I have to, I guess.

It's time for the Possum Lodge Word Game!

(reading a letter) "Dear experts --" la la la -- "I find that everything on television is a load of crap. I prefer to use the term 'a load of bad stuff'. Do you think that everything on television is a load of bad stuff?"

Red

Well, yeah. Yeah, it's all crap, as far as I'm concerned.

Harold

Except for this show.

Red

Well, yeah, if you insist.

Yeah, I agree. It's all crap. And it could have been so good too, that's what bothers me. It almost makes me sorry I invented it!

Red

Invented what, Hap... crap?

No... television!

Red

I could be a great astronomer, Harold!

Harold

(to audience) He's always been good at staring off into space, so...

Red

I either have a plan, or I'm an idiot.

Harold

That's good. 'Cause usually you have a plan and you're an idiot.

Red

[Being dangerous is] what gets the juices flowing -- the adrenaline, the testosterone, the hydrogen peroxide...

Red

Isn't this great? We've got no overhead!

Harold

You've got no inhead!

Red

(as he duct tapes a spare tire to the flat tire) This is only temporary, unless it works.

Red

Things don't improve with age. Look at your truck. Look at your roof. Look in the mirror!