The Office (US) quotes

370 total quotes



Toby: Didn't you lose a lot of money on that other investment, the one from that e-mail?
Michael: You know what, Toby? When the son of the deposed King of Nigeria e-mails you directly asking for help, you help. His father ran the freaking country, okay?

[Dwight and company are descending into the warehouse for a "men's day"]
Dwight: Remember on Lost when they met "the Others"?

[In reference to Michael's plan to invite the boy scout troop that the proceeds will be donated to]
Toby: Actually, I didn't think it was appropriate to invite children since it's, uh, you know, there's gambling and alcohol. And it's in our dangerous warehouse. And it's a school night. And, you know, Hooters is catering, you know. Is that...is that enough? Should I keep going?
Michael: Why are you the way that you are? Honestly, every time I try to do something fun or exciting, you make it not that way. I hate...so much...about the things that you choose to be.

[Jim and Michael are driving a concussed Dwight to the hospital in Meredith's van. Dwight is opening a bottle of whisky]
Michael: Dwight, what're you doing
Dwight: I found it under the seat.
Jim: Oh my God! Dwight! Put it down!
Dwight: I'm thirsty. [Jim sprays him] No!
Jim: Give the bottle to Michael.
Dwight: No. I'm thirsty.
Michael: Give the bottle to me, Dwight. [To Jim] Just keep your eyes on the road. Give me the bottle or you're fired.
Dwight: You can't fire me! I don't work in this van!
Michael: Give it to me, Dwight! [tries to grab it]
Dwight: No. [takes a sip] Mmm... [babbles insanely]