The Office (US) quotes

370 total quotes



All Seasons
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Andy: This is not the first time rumors about me being gay have come up. Twice before actually. Just a weird coincidence. A little too weird. Almost makes you wonder if it's not a coincidence at all! Whoa! Which it is, of course. But it makes you wonder.

Andy: What's that smell?
Dwight: You're going to need to be more specific.
Angela: It's manure. Dwight, you need to get the manure out of here.
Dwight: Manure covers up the smell of the slaughterhouse.
Angela: You're going to slaughter animals on our wedding day?
Dwight: You want to eat, don't you?

Andy: When I was a salesman I could just be like "not my job, not my prob, I'm going to the warehouse to polish my knob!" ...Metaphorically, of course.

Andy: Why does Erin like Gabe?
Darryl: Andy, look, all I know is that if I was a girl, and I had to choose between the tall dude who loved Asia, and the you looking dude who loves sweaters and wearing sweaters...I'd choose you.
Andy: That's really nice. Thank you.
Darryl: And I'd blow your mind.

Andy: Women cannot resist a man singing show tunes. It's so powerful, even a lot of men can't resist a man singing show tunes.

Andy: You're the deuce I never want to drop!

Angela: [after Dwight feeds her cat] Any problems?
Dwight: Well, you left the TV on. Also, your cat is dead.

Angela: Do you want to give Michael your urine?
Dwight: [deeply sincere] I want him to have all the urine he needs.

Angela: I actually look forward to performance reviews. I did the youth beauty pageant circuit, and I enjoyed that quite a bit. I really enjoy being judged. I believe I hold up very well to even severe scrutiny.

Angela: I can't do this. I can't do it.
Michael: Yes you can. I know you can. I wouldn't say it if I didn't 100% believe it. Who else could do this?
Angela: Okay. Okay.
Michael: No seriously, is there anyone else who could do it better? Because we don't have a lot of time.

Angela: I don't want to blame anyone in particular. I think everyone's to blame.

Bowling Alley Employee: [to Ryan] Get back to work, shoe bitch!

Charles: No, it is not.
Michael: No, it is not.
Charles: Okay, so we're on the same page, great.
Michael: Okay, so we're on the same page, great.
Charles: Okay, Michael.
Michael: Okay, Michael.
Charles: No, seriously.
Michael: No, seriously.
Charles: How old are you?
Michael: How old are you?
[cuts to Pam in an interview]
Pam: I can tell Michael's mood by which comedy routine he chooses to do. The more infantile, the more upset he is. And he just skipped the Ace Ventura talking butt thing. He never skips it. This is bad.

Christian Slater: So you've just been bought by Sabre. You've probably got a lot of questions. Hi, I'm Christian Slater. What's it like to work for Sabre? Let's find out together. Working at Sabre means taking on the challenge of the road that rises to meet you. Sabre is respecting the past, but opening a window to the future. Have you ever tasted a rainbow? At Sabre, you will.

Creed Bratton: Nobody steals from Creed Bratton and gets away with it. The last person to do this disappeared. His name: Creed Bratton.