The Mentalist quotes

453 total quotes



All Seasons
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Lisbon: Is anything coming back to you?
Jane: Kids prefer cheese over fried green spinach.
Lisbon: [laughs] Come again?
Jane: It's an acronym for the seven levels of taxonomy: kingdom, phylum, class, order, family, genus, species.
Lisbon: Impressive.
Jane: I can also name the geological time periods, the worlds longest rivers by size, and the complete works of Shakespeare in chronological order.
Lisbon: So the memory palace is intact?
Jane: I told you about the memory palace?
Lisbon: We're friends.

Chief Dale: Agent, I'm not opposed to extending a professional courtesy, but your man ignored a reasonable request from my officer and fled.
Lisbon: And he will pay the ticket.
Jane: Nah. Speed traps: legalized extortion. If you want people to slow down, park out in the open where they can see you, but no. You lay in wait like thieves in the night.
Lisbon: He will pay the ticket today.
Jane: I'm not going to pay it.
Lisbon: Jane.
Jane: I'm not going to pay it!
Lisbon: Stop. Stop!
Jane: [to the chief] Extortionists.

Bret Stiles: Farragut was a dreamer. Dreamers are useful in their way, but we don't live in dreams, do we? We live in the here and the now.
Van Pelt: Did you kill him?
Stiles: You've killed, haven't you; someone who mattered to you, who hurt you. Did you enjoy it?
Van Pelt: No.
Stiles: Really? I'm told it gives the feeling of great perspective, like waking from a dream.
Van Pelt: It changes you.
Stiles: Did you friends notice?
Van Pelt: A little, but I think it freaks them out.
Stiles: Of course. They don't have the imagination or the vocabulary to converse with you about it. You know, you're like a little bird that fell out of the nest, but you don't need the nest. You need to fly, and that I can teach you.

Cho: [looking over a ransacked motel room] Someone was looking for something.
Rigsby: Thank you, captain obvious.
Cho: Three hours of brooding silence and then sarcasm. It's like we're married.

Bosco: We came in hot because we thought the kidnap victim was there.
Minelli: Mia...somebody?
Bosco: Mia Westlake. Marin County heiress. She was taken a day and half ago. Witness gave us a partial plate on the kidnapper's car. We dug up an outstanding parking ticket to a car in Oakland. Checked the address. Found there were people inside a house that was supposed to be empty.
Minelli: And he found you there because?
Lisbon: Ah, we got a call from the coroner's bureau. There was a report of a corpse in a house, but they were short handed. Budget cuts. So they asked us to go and check it out. My team went in the house, the corpse was there but the coroner wasn't. So we waited.
Minelli: And everyone almost died in a hail of bullets.

AP: [talking about the painting] $50,000,000, right there.
Jane: It's about $10,000 right there. It's a fake.
AP: The hell it is.
Jane: Fake as a $6 bill.

Brooke Harper: How did you find me?
Jane: Well, let's make a deal. I'll tell you how we found you if you tell us who you are.
Brooke Harper: Okay. [With a British accent] My name is Angela Dalibar and I'm from Birmingham, England by way of Hong Kong. How did you find me?
Jane: I planted a GPS tracking device on you. Outstanding technology. No bigger than a stick of gum.
Cho: Tell us more about yourself Angela. How long have you been a professional con woman?
Brooke Harper: All my life, I suppose. [She drops the British accent] And I confess, my name's not really Angela.
Jane: And I didn't plant a GPS tracking device on you.

Ben: I didn't know you guys were cops.
Cho: You thought we were selling magazine subscriptions?

Brooke Harper: See you around, Patrick.
Agent Hayes: I'll doubt you'll be seeing much of anybody for a few years.
Jane: Uh, I don't know about that, agent Hayes. She's very good at what she does.

Cho: [To Tibbs] Hey. How you doing. You're under arrest, for the attempted murder of...everybody.

Chief Brody: Do you have any actual facts?
Jane: Well, it's an actual fact that you dislike Mr. MacLean here because he's a tree-hugging, liberal wacko who's probably running some kind of a cult. And he dislikes you because you're a small-minded, provincial hayseed. Not that you are necessarily. That's just what he thinks.

Arlov: Are you mad?
Jane: No, just kidding. It's just a prop to get me into the room. I am aware that you have the real painting.
Arlov: Really? You are aware, and how are you aware of this?
Jane: I guessed. Confirmed by the predatory smile on your face when you asked me about it just then. You enjoy trapping people in nets of their own making, don't you?

Bosco: I've got to get back to the Westlake's.
Lisbon: I'd like to come with, if that's all right. I'd like to ask the Westlake's some questions about the dead guy, see if there's a connection.
Bosco: Okay.
Lisbon: [to Cho, Rigsby and Van Pelt] Start digging on the Hangler case. Contact the family and set up an interview.
Bosco: And I'd like to leave Hicks here to work with your team, if that's all right with you.
Lisbon: Okay.
Bosco: Keep 'em honest.
Lisbon: Hey. Care to reframe that, Sam?
Bosco: No. They're Jane's people. They need watching.
Lisbon: I like to think of them as my people.
Bosco: Think what you like. I can't have them trying to pull some cheap stunt behind my back.
Jane: Well we have a whole range of expensive stunts if you don't like the cheap ones.

Brad: Go away.
Jane: I can't. I wish I could. It's my job to hound people until I get the truth.

Bosco: You know, for a cop, you made a very convincing lunatic. Jane must be proud.
Lisbon: Maybe it's not good police work, but I have to confess, I enjoyed it. Letting loose for once.
Bosco: Look, I'm glad you got cleared.
Lisbon: I'm sorry that we couldn't let you in on the plan.
Bosco: You could have, but you didn't.