Psych quotes

Lassiter

You solved all these crimes - what was it - watching the local channel 8 news reports?

Shawn

All right, I confess, that's not true. Sometimes I watch channel 5. I prefer channel 8. The weather girl? Adorable.

Lassiter

So you're telling us that you can read guilt off of TV interviews?

Shawn

Can't you?

Shawn

I got the information because...I'm psychic.

Lassiter

Get him out of here!

Shawn

Oh boy! (Leans against the door, looks at Officer Allen) Your grandmother would be so proud.

You spoke to her?

Shawn

I did. She's safe, comfortable. She wants you to stop spending all your money on those charlatans.

The palm readers?

Shawn

The palm readers.

Okay, just to be clear, um, you're claiming to be a psychic, Mr. Spencer.

Shawn

(Moves his hands around until one is pointing at Lassiter and the other at Barry) How else would I know that you two are sleeping together? 1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3, 1... (Turns to Officer McNab) When's the wedding?

May 3rd - wait, how'd you know?

Shawn

I'm getting dance lessons for a wedding reception and you are getting good!

Wow. That's amazing!

Lassiter

Oh come on, who is buying this!

Gus

You named your fake detective agency "Psych"? As in "gotcha"? Why didn't you just call it "Hey, we're fooling you and the police department; hope we don't make a mistake and somebody dies because of it."

Shawn

First of all, Gus, that name is entirely too long; it would never fit on the window. And secondly, the best way you convince people you're not lying to them is to tell them you are!

Lassiter

Don't you try and trivialize police work.

Shawn

I think you're doing a bang-up job of that all by yourself.

Lassiter

You have a criminal record.

Shawn

I was 18.

Lassiter

Oh, 18? Well that makes it okay, let me just scratch this out.

Gus

You're dating a murderer!

Shawn

Not exclusively.

Gus

Alright, whatever, who kidnapped him?

Shawn

Nobody.

Gus

Nobody! Excellent! Call the chief at home, tell 'em the crime is solved. Because apparently, we just imagined the whole thing!

Shawn

(kissing waitress, grabs phone)

What are you doing?

Shawn

I'm calling the police.

Any particular reason?

Shawn

I think I just solved a case.

You didn't tell me you're a cop...

Shawn

Me? Oh god, no. Wait! Does that disappoint you?

No, I just thought you might have handcuffs...

Shawn

(grins) Oh, I have handcuffs.

Shawn

This is a great plan! Camden McCallum deserves to be commended.

Gus

Maybe you should date him too!

Shawn

Maybe I will!

Henry

When I was in the department there were two things I hated in this world: private investigators and psychics. Congratulations, kid, you just hit the disappointment trifecta.

Gus

You don't smell that?

Shawn

I don't smell anything.

Gus

That's because you don't have the Super Smeller!

Shawn

Okay, you have got to stop calling your nose the Super Smeller. If you want to nickname a body part, nickname your butt, man. Call it the Tight-Bouncer or the Hexagon. Ladies are gonna dig that.Bold text

Shawn

I'm kind of a slave to my visions. I'm a slave.

Shawn

Kudos on the childrearing. Let me know how the therapy goes.

Shawn

Actually, we'd like to start with the contestants still in the running. And let's start with the shifty-eyed ones!

Shawn

Dude, what is your glitch?