Ron: Do you know what you get when you hire a Party Down catering team? At Party Down we have a simple motto: it's your party, you deserve to enjoy it, but how are you going to enjoy the party if you're worried about whether the shrimp cocktail has been sitting out too long, or is there enough ice, or do the guests think the party is lame, or are they stealing stuff, or are they going through the medicine cabinet because they're nosy or because they think they might find something that'll give them a rocking buzz? I used to do that last thing. Not anymore. Clean and sober.
Hostess: Um, wow, that--that--that's quite a motto...

[Henry is forced to wear the larger Ron's shirt]
Casey: Ah, you're going for your own look.
Henry: Yeah--
Casey: It's nice.
Henry: --Yeah, I thought I'd go for the "helpful gay pirate" kind of thing.
Casey: [mock consolingly] You don't look helpful.
Ron: Actually, I learned this at the sensitivity seminar, that we do not use that word, okay? I mean, I'm not, but we don't know who may be...
Casey: A pirate?
Henry: Helpful?

[Constance has overheard a party guest make an un-PC joke]
Kyle: Fucking intolerance blows! [Constance prepares to spit] Woah, what are we doing here?
Constance: I am going to spit on all the appetizers because I can't remember which ones he was eating.
Kyle: No, you know what: there's other things we can do than spitting.
Constance: Like what? [disappointed] I love spitting.

[Henry has quit acting]
Party guest: One last thing: nobody ever accomplished anything by quitting. You know, what if Ronald Reagan quit?
Casey: Quit acting? He did.
Henry: Yeah, that's actually where I got the idea.

Bruce: Henry, what is the craziest place that you ever made love?
Constance: Yeah.
Henry: ...A bed.
Constance: What did he say?
Bruce: Wow.
Constance: What did he say?
Bruce: "A bed."
Constance: What did we ask him?
Bruce: I don't know.

Constance: That's a leg?
Ron: Made footless! By pot.
S1e6 Ron: today this boat isn't just a boat it's a fairy tale fantasy land where every boys a playa and every girls a bitch Season 2

Vanna: I'm a terrible liar.
Henry: It's not lying, it's... acting. Look, I was an actor; it's easy. You just use the true bits and you fake the fake bits.
Vanna: And... that's acting?
Henry: Most actors aren't bright, so it has to be simple.