Santana: Hold up, could we all just get real here for a second? I hear that Rachel has a bit of a schnoz. I mean I wouldn't know because like Medusa I try to avoid eye contact with her. But can we all just stop lying about how there aren't things we don't want to change about ourselves? I'm sure that Sam has been at the doctor's office and riffled through pamphlets on mouth reductions. I'll bet Artie's thought about getting his legs removed since he's not really using them anyway. And I'm definitely sure Tina has looked into eye de-slanting.
Tina: That's extraordinarily racist.
Santana: Just keeping it real.
Tina: Sorry Santana, I'm a beautiful person. I'm in love with myself and I would never change a thing.
Mike: Is that why you're wearing blue contacts today, Tina? [whispers] Self hating Asian.
Tina: Not too many Asian sex symbols, Mike. I'm just trying to mirror what I see in magazines.
Finn: My dancing kind of bothers me. It almost killed Rachel but I like the way I look.
Santana: Oh please. You have weird puffy pyramid nipples.
Sam: [tries to look at Finn's nipples]
Finn: [slaps Sam's hand away]
Santana: They look like they're filled with custard. Or you could dust them off with powdered sugar and pass it off as some sort of dessert. Look, maybe Rachel is fine with having an enormous beak. Maybe she needs it to crack hard seeds. All I'm saying is if you look in the mirror and you don't like what you see, you should change it.

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