Butt-head: Whoa! That chick's got metal pointy things on her boobs.

Butt-head: Whoa! That dude can scream for a long time.
Beavis: No way, that's nothing! Check this out. [Beavis screams without stopping for the remainder of the video]
Butt-head: Shut up!
Biohazard w/ Onyx, Judgment Night

Butt-head: Whoa! That dude has lettuce on his head.
Beavis: His head is lettuce. Lettuce spray, ssspray. [blows a long loud raspberry]
Butt-head: Cut it out, Beavis! What are you doing?
Beavis: I'm spraying. [blows another raspberry]
Butt-head: That's pretty cool. When did you start doing that?
Beavis: Just now.

Butt-head: Whoa! That looks like that dude from Planet of the Apes.
Beavis: That movie kicked ass! Remember when they put those naked guys in a cage?
Butt-head: Yeah. Those guys were wussies.
Beavis: Yeah, yeah, really. I wouldn't take that, if they did that to me, I'd be kickin' monkey ass all over the place.
Butt-head: Yeah. Monkeys.

Butt-head: Whoa! They're, like, diving into the fishtank! That's cool!
Beavis: Diving into the what?
Butt-head: The fishtank, Beavis!
Beavis: Oh. I thought those things were, like, just really fancy clear toilets. I usually take a leak in those things.
Butt-head: Beavis, you think everything's a toilet.
Beavis: Well, there's fish in there, right? They go to the bathroom in there, right?
Butt-head: Yeah.
Beavis: So it's a toilet. See?
Butt-head: Yeah. They drink their own wee-wee.
Beavis: Fish are stupid.
Butt-head: They're like "Uhh, I guess I'll take a dump and then swim around in it."

Butt-head: Whoa! This dude looks like that assistant football coach.
Beavis: Yeah. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!? DROP AND GIVE ME TWENTY, BOY!!!! NOOOOOOOOOWWWW!!!!!"
Butt-head: Yeah. "WHAT KIND OF A MAN ARE YOOOOOUUUUUU?"
Beavis: "YOU LOOK LIKE A BUNCH OF GIRLS OUT THERE!!!! WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO OVER THERE AND SHAKE IT OFF AND GIVE UP RIGHT NOW?!"

Butt-head: Whoa! This is kinda freaky.
Beavis: Yeah, see what I mean?
Butt-head: This is one of those art school chicks that like, you could score with them if you told them all their ideas were really good.
Beavis: Yeah! Yeah, that's probably how she made this video! Just like, got some rich guy, and told him all her ideas were really good, and he's like, "ooh, yeah."
Butt-head: Yeah. She's like, "uh... I want a unicorn, but then I'm gonna tear the horn off and put it on my head."
Beavis: Ooh, very good! Yeah.
Butt-head: Have another drink and continue.
Beavis: And then, I also want my brother to tap dance. He's really good.
Butt-head: The rich guy's probably like, "uh... these are all great ideas, but uh... I think it would be really like, uh, really empowering if you took off your clothes and jumped off a cliff." And he's like "if you want, I can help you become a citizen."
Beavis: Yeah, I don't think I can help your brother though.

Butt-head: Whoa! This part of the song sucks. It's like, that other part is pretty cool, but it's like, they go into all these different parts, and most of them suck.
Beavis: If they could just stick to that one part that's cool, you know? Not play the stuff that, like, sucks, and uh, you know, then like, you know, we'd all be like, you know, we'd all be a little better.

Butt-head: Whoa! This song's about like, some chick doing it with like, some other chick's boyfriend.
Beavis: Yeah! That's pretty harsh.
Butt-head: Yeah. So like, this chick will only do yo if you like, already have a girlfriend...?
Beavis: Yeah, yeah! A lot of chicks are like that. They don't wanna go out with you unless you already have a girlfriend...but like, you can't get a girlfriend because you don't have a girlfriend...so it's like...struss-frating.

Butt-head: Whoa, check it out! He's like, some kind of scientific dude.
Beavis: Oh yeah, that's cool. If I was a scientific, I'd like, do an experiment, you know, where it's like, I'd get a chick in and say "OK chick, um, I'm gonna have to ask you to get naked, and then, I'm um, gonna experiment with your boobs."
Butt-head: Yeah. That would rule!

Butt-head: Whoa, check out that chick!
Beavis: Yeah! She like, came out of the trunk!
Butt-head: She must be like, the spare.
Beavis: Yeah. That would be cool if like, I always had a spare chick in my trunk.
Butt-head: Uh, you don't have a trunk, buttmunch. You ride a bike.
Beavis: Shut up, Butt-head! I'm gonna get a trunk and I'm gonna like, put a spare chick in it.
Butt-head: Right, Beavis.

Butt-head: Whoa, cool!
Beavis: Yeah, yeah! I like watching people fall down on TV! It's funny.
Butt-head: Yeah, it's like, if he was just falling downstairs, it would be over fast, but with an escalator, it just keeps going.
Beavis: You know, um, it'd be funnier if he was fat, but you know this is still pretty cool.
Butt-head: Yeah. This rules! I could watch this forever.

Butt-head: Whoa, it's Death!
Beavis: If Death came over to my house, I'd just, like, kick him in the nads and run away.
Butt-head: Death doesn't have nads, Beavis.
Beavis: I bet his sack, like, shrivelled up like a little raisin.
Butt-head: [shudders] Ugh, that's disgusting, Beavis!

Butt-head: Whoa, she's grabbing her crotch!
Beavis: Oh yeah. Butt-head, I though chicks didn't have a crotch.
Butt-head: No, dumbass. You're thinking of nads
Beavis: No, I'm thinking of the crotch actually. But, some girls have a crotch? I'll be damned.
Black Crowes, High Head Blues

Butt-Head: Whoa, the cops are here. Maybe their gonna shoot somebody.